There are days to push through and there are days to sit with the sadness. When it's too much to lift or carry forward, so you just have to sit. To feel all of the emotions fully. Today was one of those day that I sat with all the pain until I couldn't handle it any more. Until my body felt numb. Until I finally could cry.
Yesterday I was angry and today I am sad. Sad for everything I've lost. Sad for everything that I am unsure of. Sad for what I know and what I don't know. Sad for the closure I may not get. Sad for the lies and sad for what could have been.
Yesterday I was angry, today I am sad, tomorrow will be something else. When people told me it would be a roller coaster, but I didn't think it would be this bad. I know healing isn't linear, but the I could never have imaged this.
My marriage was over before I made the choice to file for divorce. My marriage was over before I made the choice to move out. My marriage was over before he ever said a word. All of that can be true, I can know in my core that getting divorced is the right call for both of us and still have a sadness, still have pain, still feel broken.
I don't know when the pain will stop, if the pain will stop and that's really scary.
C
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