All relationships are a balancing act, when to pull, when to push and when is it just not worth the fight. When to say I deserve better and when to say we should work on this.
At some point he and I decided different things weren't worth the fight. We stopped engaging with each other because hearing the same old answer no longer felt worth the effort. We both failed because we stopped bothering with each other. If you look at the last year that we both shared publicly on social media. We don't appear on each other's pages in photos. I had a few that I have archived because while I don't want to forget what I thought were good times, it's too painful right now.
We created separate lives without the other person. We both spent substantial time outside this summer, but my idea of a hike is so much shorter and slower than his that we didn't do those things together. I enjoy concerts and musicals, but many of them are on weeknights so I would go alone. I am not a morning person so sunrise hikes aren't my idea of a great time. We stopped prioritizing including each other in what we were doing. And we are both guilty of it, this is not a 1 sided failure for either of us.
His standard of clean and mine are not the same, he is far more put together, but I'm managing to keep my apartment cleaner than the house every was. Doing laundry weekly, vacuuming, dusting every Saturday, doing dishes every other day, taking out the trash weekly, it's now all on me, so why was it so hard for me to be a better partner or balance him more? I don't have an answer for that the same way I don't have answers for why the things I was craving in a partner weren't met for me; other than that at some point the effort didn't feel worth the reward.
None of this is instant, it's slow and happened over time. We both hurt each other, we didn't meet each other's expectations and at some point we stopped putting in the effort to ask for what we needed.
C
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