I feel like every day this week has been a hard day. I continue struggle to fall asleep, I can never stay asleep and every day I feel like I'm falling more and more behind on life. Laundry and dishes pile up, thank god my bills are on autopay. Recycling and trash need to be taken out. It takes more and more energy to fake it through the day. I'm becoming a shell of myself.
It's not just the divorce, moving into the next phase of that is a significant anxiety and more pain than I ever thought a person could feel. The days of work have been hard, trying to maintain boundaries, and not take on the personal crap however significant my students are dealing with, I did not go to school to be a therapist but that's the role I end up in most days, and I take some of that pain home with me. I am feeling fractured within my community, loosing some of the friendships I thought I had at work, realizing that some of them meant more to me than the other parties. It's sad to feel like I'm loosing more than just my marriage right now. I have always been happy to be the person in charge. To take on the additional responsibilities use to be something that brought me joy, but I feel like I'm letting everyone down.
I've taken partial days a few times recently in an attempt to "Catch up" with myself, to be in a better space than the day before but it feels like 1 step forward 2 steps back. No matter what I do.
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