Disappointment

 There is a lot of disappointment in a marriage ending. Sometimes over big things and sometimes over things that don't really matter.  At the moment I am disappointed over something that doesn't really matter, but also something that was the first sign to me that something was off. 

Early this fall my husband came and ask about two different far flung locations and asked which I'd rather visit and I answered New Zealand. The trip was to start tomorrow for my mid-winter break.  In the past when we've booked an international vacation we talk about the things we want to do we plan together and ensure we are booked long enough in advance to do the things we want to do.  But this time he seemed to have no interest in planning with me. I would share ideas or bring up options and he never did anything with that or engaged in planning back. 

When I made the choice to move out and start working on ending our marriage rather than trying to fix it, I knew I was giving up that trip, and it was the right choice. But today valentines day as he prepares to depart on what would have been another fantastic adventure, I am disappointed. It was something I was excited for too and yet another thing I lost because of all of this.  In the big scheme of things, this doesn't matter, there will be more vacations and travel, but today, I'm mad I had to give up something I was looking forward to and he didn't. 

I am working to honor my feelings no matter what they are. Because they are valid and real. To say them out loud and then try to let them go. So today I am mad and disappointed. 

C