Illness

If I had to pick one word to describe my year, thus far, it would be illness. 

Since January I have had three episodes of severe vertigo that led to passing out one where I know I hit my head and 2 that I’m unsure. I’ve ended up in the hospital twice for vomiting. I’ve had an increase in migraines, an increase in overall fatigue, and continued struggles with anxiety and depression. 

While some of these things are new, some are not. I’ve spent my whole life living in chronic pain and dealing with chronic illness. I don’t know my life without it and normally talk about disability in terms of being autistic and that I wouldn’t want to cure, Because it’s intrinsically, part of who I am. If someone offered me a cure tomorrow for all of the pain, chronic illnesses, undiagnosed pain. I would accept it in a heartbeat. 

my ex-husband knew about my chronic illnesses when we got married, They have gotten worse over the years, but he’s not here anymore and they’re getting worse and I’m having to manage them all on my own because there’s no one out here thatI feel like I could ask for that, even though people have offered. I’m not very good at accepting help. But more than that when I’m in these really low places, I don’t want others to really see that there’s so few people that I let in. 2 close friends- Who live 1800 and 3000 miles away, respectively. And my parents- mostly my mom.