1) Dry January is over. I had 2 drinks this month- 1 pint of Cider and 1 glass of Champagne both on my birthday weekend. Even in those 2 drinks I noticed a decrease in tolerance as well as the ability to engage in social conversation without drinking a lot.
Moving forward my husband and I have amassed a large collection of beers and ciders, that being said, my "hording" of beer for lack of a better word is done. I will enjoy what I have left slowly but surely and then I will see what life has for me. But as the couple whose first date was a beer crawl and who only really travel for beer experiences, our life will change, but I'm okay with that. J can have a beer or two, but I may only want a taster, that's okay.
2) Health- Well glad this month's over. It's been multiple forms of hell. Head cold, upper respiratory infection, stomach bug, and to top it all off, medication allergy. [In addition to my normal aches, pains and symptoms]. 2 snow days+ 2 planned no-school days+3 sick days means I didn't see much of work this month.
Moving forward: Set up appointments with Neurology and Allergists. Find a chiropractor and massage therapist. Keep up the diet I feel better I just need to make sure I'm getting enough calories.
3) De-clutter-
Birthdays are a hard time to de-clutter, because you have more stuff coming in, but my family and friends were very good and got me things I can use or share this year. CDs of artists I enjoy make good drive time on the way into work, Therapy putty will hopefully help my hands, rings are small and have a very special place in my home (love my silver rings), and of course anything Slytherin is always welcome.
I also got myself a few birthday presents. A new sweater, dress and dress pants because I got rid of so many.
For February- I have put a freeze on buying makeup, beauty products or skin care I have so much I need to work through what I have before I can justify buying more. So I am doing a #Teamprojectpan2020 to use and then declutter my makeup if necessary or wanted. I want to get the most use out of products before they expire. I have a make-up spending habit that's not healthy. While I decreased it last year by several hundred dollars, I still have work to do. So for now I will stick to the no-buy. Because I don't need more makeup.
Moving forward: Continue to de-clutter clothing as appropriate, though I feel like I'm at a good place now. February goal: No-Buy for Makeup, personal care or alcoholic beverages. Use what I have before I buy more.
Thursday, January 30, 2020
Wednesday, January 29, 2020
Let's talk about pain
There are a lot of types of pain. Emotional and physical are the ones I deal in most frequently, though most people in my life would have no idea.
I do a really good job of Masking my feelings, my anxieties, my pain.
But that masking comes at a price. Sometimes that pain breaks through.
Sometimes its so much, I just curl up i the fetal position and pray it passes.
Sometimes the isolation is necessary.
But sometimes that isolation leads to more pain.
Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed I can't stop the tears.
Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed I'm frozen, unable to do anything.
But most of the time I mask so I can get through the day.
I do a really good job of Masking my feelings, my anxieties, my pain.
But that masking comes at a price. Sometimes that pain breaks through.
Sometimes its so much, I just curl up i the fetal position and pray it passes.
Sometimes the isolation is necessary.
But sometimes that isolation leads to more pain.
Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed I can't stop the tears.
Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed I'm frozen, unable to do anything.
But most of the time I mask so I can get through the day.
Monday, January 20, 2020
Expanding roles & finding balance
Historically speaking I have had a hard time saying no to things at work because I worried that if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done, and more recently if it was done, it certainly wouldn't be done to my standard. This meant saying yes to a lot of work I didn't enjoy and took the fun out of teaching and working with my colleagues.
However, recently I have started to add things to my work load, that I think I may enjoy. I am sharing responsibility for our HS speech and debate teams with 2 other colleagues, I am going out for union positions both for day to day representation and for the State Assembly. This is while maintaining department chair responsibilities and other leadership roles within my building.
I enjoy the leadership aspects of my job. I enjoy creating schedules and problem solving. I enjoy reading and knowing the details of my contract--blame being raised by a lawyer.
My concern is that even though I find joy in these things that I will lose balance.
I have gotten much better about leaving work at work, but if there are now more things pulling me away from my job I may be more pressed on getting things done to my standard on my timelines. I'm less worried about dropping the ball on my personal life, not that I have much of one most days. And more worried that I'll drop the ball on my students.
I guess only time will tell. I'm excited about these new opportunities, I need some excitement in my life so I guess I'll try and see where that leads me.
Signing off for now.
*C
However, recently I have started to add things to my work load, that I think I may enjoy. I am sharing responsibility for our HS speech and debate teams with 2 other colleagues, I am going out for union positions both for day to day representation and for the State Assembly. This is while maintaining department chair responsibilities and other leadership roles within my building.
I enjoy the leadership aspects of my job. I enjoy creating schedules and problem solving. I enjoy reading and knowing the details of my contract--blame being raised by a lawyer.
My concern is that even though I find joy in these things that I will lose balance.
I have gotten much better about leaving work at work, but if there are now more things pulling me away from my job I may be more pressed on getting things done to my standard on my timelines. I'm less worried about dropping the ball on my personal life, not that I have much of one most days. And more worried that I'll drop the ball on my students.
I guess only time will tell. I'm excited about these new opportunities, I need some excitement in my life so I guess I'll try and see where that leads me.
Signing off for now.
*C
Saturday, January 18, 2020
Happy Birthday
And maybe another year wiser?
I certainly put up with less shit now than I did a year ago, certainly than I did in my 20s, but I also have work to do.
Every year I get older I am learning to love myself more. Women are a fickle bunch that way.
Little girls are so confident. They are scary actually. They know exactly what they want, they don't care what others have told them about what they can and cannot do, they have goals and they are going to achieve them.
Then something happens, sometime between the age of 9 and 12 girls start to care what all those other voices are saying and for the next decade our lives revolve around other people's feelings of us. My teens were hard enough for me, but I am so thankful that I grew up before facebook was everywhere, before smartphones. There is a significant drop in girls who feel they are good at math and science at around this age. The start of mental health problems, anxiety, depression and eating disorders creep in. Instead of building each other up, girls are tearing each other apart.
College, where vices fill the voids left by the pain of broken hearts and lack of confidence.
First "real" job, trying so hard to keep it I loose myself. Working 80 hours a week, only getting paid for 40. Not complaining when my safety is at risk. Putting up with more than any sane person would. Keeping quiet to keep my job.
Over the years I've become more confident to ask for what I need. To ask for help. To take care of myself. To keep myself safe. To put myself first.
I've given up too many years to what other people think of me. To the version of me other people thought I should be. To trying to fit into someone else's ideal box.
This year I want to re-claim the confidence of myself as a child. To have the confidence that I can do anything I set my mind to. To not be afraid of what others are saying about my goals. But just go for it.
So Happy Birthday to me. To another year round the sun. To more highs and lows. To more of living and enjoy life.
I certainly put up with less shit now than I did a year ago, certainly than I did in my 20s, but I also have work to do.
Every year I get older I am learning to love myself more. Women are a fickle bunch that way.
Little girls are so confident. They are scary actually. They know exactly what they want, they don't care what others have told them about what they can and cannot do, they have goals and they are going to achieve them.
Then something happens, sometime between the age of 9 and 12 girls start to care what all those other voices are saying and for the next decade our lives revolve around other people's feelings of us. My teens were hard enough for me, but I am so thankful that I grew up before facebook was everywhere, before smartphones. There is a significant drop in girls who feel they are good at math and science at around this age. The start of mental health problems, anxiety, depression and eating disorders creep in. Instead of building each other up, girls are tearing each other apart.
College, where vices fill the voids left by the pain of broken hearts and lack of confidence.
First "real" job, trying so hard to keep it I loose myself. Working 80 hours a week, only getting paid for 40. Not complaining when my safety is at risk. Putting up with more than any sane person would. Keeping quiet to keep my job.
Over the years I've become more confident to ask for what I need. To ask for help. To take care of myself. To keep myself safe. To put myself first.
I've given up too many years to what other people think of me. To the version of me other people thought I should be. To trying to fit into someone else's ideal box.
This year I want to re-claim the confidence of myself as a child. To have the confidence that I can do anything I set my mind to. To not be afraid of what others are saying about my goals. But just go for it.
So Happy Birthday to me. To another year round the sun. To more highs and lows. To more of living and enjoy life.
Monday, January 13, 2020
2 weeks in
First of all, if you set goals for yourself this year, or haven't and still want to you should read this article by Jen Fisher about how she changed her mindset on goal setting and how to do this thing better. It's an easy read with 7 strategies she feels help her with success. They may not all be for you, but I will say accountability has been my #1 place to start. And that's because my body is my own accountability measure.
I tried to cheat- to eat the foods I know I shouldn't and my body slapped me in the face so fast it's nearly comical. Needless to say I only had a few bites of that Pizza before realizing LOUD AND CLEAR that this was NOT going to happen. My body said NO- and I needed to listen.
I have spent much of the last 2 weeks sick with some sort of upper-respiratory crap that took away my voice and my ability to do my job for awhile. But I'm back to work. It's nearly finals week and the Resolutions are going well.
1) Dry January. Has been good. Being sick really curbs any and all desire to drink so that's helpful, my birthday is this month and I look forward to spending the money I would normally spend on a cocktail or a few on a really nice dinner and be of sound mind for the whole night. Maybe talk to me when I'm grading tests and exams on the 27th then maybe not so much.
2) My Health: Other than the 1 time I tried to cheat I've been good in terms of the resolution, mostly because I don't want to vomit again. I've had more immediate health crap going on so I'm focused on medical care for that, then I will reach out to Allergy specialists. I eat a lot more fruit and veggies than I use to. I'm eating soy free and I feel better. I drink a lot more water. Thank you to my dad for the wonderful birthday gift of new water bottles with straws.
 | |||
| Contigo Autoseal Water Bottles w/Straws |
I am also working to limit my shopping, this is probably the bigger deal for me. My husband can attest to the constant flow of Zulily and amazon boxes in our home. And frankly I do feel I have an over shopping problem and buy things I'll never use up and don't need to fill some sort of void in my life. I am giving away more than a few NEVER WORN items because they don't fit, but I cannot return them. I want to focus less on quantity of goods and more on quality of the things I own.
I write down everything before I put it in a bag. Then I utilize a "reasonable value" list to determine the value of my donation. The Salvation Army Value Guide can also be very helpful for low to high end pricing scales. I make sure that none of my individual donation items are over $500 in value (or you have to provide documentation: gowns and furs, cars pianos and the like, I have donated those things before. if you have questions feel free to ask). Remember your attachment to the item is not the same as the items value. I have given away over 60 items so far this year. At points in my life the attachment to some was probably unreasonable for items of clothing, but the total assessed value has been under $400.
.
Sunday, January 12, 2020
A tale of 2 cities
My husband travels for work. This isn't new. This is the normal we built our relationship on. If anything he travels significantly less of the year now than we first met.
His cities aren't typically glamorous, they aren't places you want to go visit. They are middle-of-nowhere towns with plenty of space for large warehouses and good distribution centers or once industrial cities trying to figure out where they fit now. I have visited him at work 3 times. Once on the way back from Africa in Pittsburgh, once in Cleveland and once in LA (I'll admit that last one was a lot of fun). For the most part our work weeks are spent apart.
When we were first dating and even first married I would get really sad every time he left for work. It would take me about 48 hours to get back to normal and then he'd be home within 48 hours. Let me tell you this cycle is not sustainable. I struggled to sleep, my daily rhythm was thrown off by if he was here or not. I struggled to balance my life.
Now when he leaves I tell him good-bye and I miss him, but it's not sadness. I have come to grips with that this is his job. And he's lucky he likes what he does for a living. He gets his social needs met by his co-workers every week, people that have been consistent in his life for 4 years. I should be happy for him when he goes to work, not sad. This shift has also helped me sleep better. I go to bed the same time if he's home or away, it helps keep me stable. I keep my rhythm of life consistent. I live my life when he's away, I work on getting my social needs met by going out with friends here and talking with the ones I miss back in Minnesota. I am finding things I like doing that he doesn't and prioritizing those things during the week so I can prioritize us on the weekend.
Distance Sucks, I wont sugar coat it. but if you can balance your lives and prioritize each other during specific times it is possible. We certainly haven't had it any other way.
Signing off for now.
*C
His cities aren't typically glamorous, they aren't places you want to go visit. They are middle-of-nowhere towns with plenty of space for large warehouses and good distribution centers or once industrial cities trying to figure out where they fit now. I have visited him at work 3 times. Once on the way back from Africa in Pittsburgh, once in Cleveland and once in LA (I'll admit that last one was a lot of fun). For the most part our work weeks are spent apart.
When we were first dating and even first married I would get really sad every time he left for work. It would take me about 48 hours to get back to normal and then he'd be home within 48 hours. Let me tell you this cycle is not sustainable. I struggled to sleep, my daily rhythm was thrown off by if he was here or not. I struggled to balance my life.
Now when he leaves I tell him good-bye and I miss him, but it's not sadness. I have come to grips with that this is his job. And he's lucky he likes what he does for a living. He gets his social needs met by his co-workers every week, people that have been consistent in his life for 4 years. I should be happy for him when he goes to work, not sad. This shift has also helped me sleep better. I go to bed the same time if he's home or away, it helps keep me stable. I keep my rhythm of life consistent. I live my life when he's away, I work on getting my social needs met by going out with friends here and talking with the ones I miss back in Minnesota. I am finding things I like doing that he doesn't and prioritizing those things during the week so I can prioritize us on the weekend.
Distance Sucks, I wont sugar coat it. but if you can balance your lives and prioritize each other during specific times it is possible. We certainly haven't had it any other way.
Signing off for now.
*C
Saturday, January 11, 2020
4 years
4 years ago I was trying to leave a toxic and unsafe teaching position.
4 years ago I worked 80 hour weeks.
4 years ago my life had no balance.
4 years ago I had a mental break down.
Over the last 4 years, I've worked to figure out how to not let the actions of others, or my enviornment tear me apart.
Over the last 4 years, I have worked to find medication that works for me.
Over the last 4 years, I've worked to find balance between work and personal life, between home life and social life, between his family and my family.
Over the last 4 years, I've learned to live again.
The last 4 years have been filled with highs and lows, with moves, with a few new jobs descriptions and with a lot of new people in my life.
I still struggle with work life balance, but find me a special education teacher who doesn't. I still have days and seasons that are harder than others. But the difference between me today and the me from 4 years ago, is that I'm not giving up on myself any more. This life is worth living.
Signing off for now
*C
4 years ago I worked 80 hour weeks.
4 years ago my life had no balance.
4 years ago I had a mental break down.
Over the last 4 years, I've worked to figure out how to not let the actions of others, or my enviornment tear me apart.
Over the last 4 years, I have worked to find medication that works for me.
Over the last 4 years, I've worked to find balance between work and personal life, between home life and social life, between his family and my family.
Over the last 4 years, I've learned to live again.
The last 4 years have been filled with highs and lows, with moves, with a few new jobs descriptions and with a lot of new people in my life.
I still struggle with work life balance, but find me a special education teacher who doesn't. I still have days and seasons that are harder than others. But the difference between me today and the me from 4 years ago, is that I'm not giving up on myself any more. This life is worth living.
Signing off for now
*C
Thursday, January 9, 2020
Can I go back to baseline?
I would really like to go back to my baseline now. My normal can't eat most foods stomach and headache life style. I'd like to go back there. Instead I live in ear pain, sinus hell, swollen painful throat and sore chest from coughing so hard. So like I stated at the start I'd like to go back to my baseline now and be less sick please.
Today my students told me the following in no particiular order of awfulness:
"You look dead", "Why did you even come to work today?", "Eww, you're too close to me, go away", "Sick people scare me", "Why are you so pale?" "Don't come any closer I don't want to get sick", "Don't breathe near me"
Don't get my wrong I love my kids, today I loved them a little bit less after each passing comment. I went to work because 1) I cannot sit at home any more. 2) My kids proved that they cannot handle me being out. 3) I needed to work for my sanity, some people take mental health days, that's cool, my mental health is better when I'm working...most days. 4) I am medicated now.
Today was rough. I was completely exhausted by the end of it and I will go back and do it all again tomorrow.
Signing off
-CDrawe
Today my students told me the following in no particiular order of awfulness:
"You look dead", "Why did you even come to work today?", "Eww, you're too close to me, go away", "Sick people scare me", "Why are you so pale?" "Don't come any closer I don't want to get sick", "Don't breathe near me"
Don't get my wrong I love my kids, today I loved them a little bit less after each passing comment. I went to work because 1) I cannot sit at home any more. 2) My kids proved that they cannot handle me being out. 3) I needed to work for my sanity, some people take mental health days, that's cool, my mental health is better when I'm working...most days. 4) I am medicated now.
Today was rough. I was completely exhausted by the end of it and I will go back and do it all again tomorrow.
Signing off
-CDrawe
Wednesday, January 8, 2020
Burden
I think I've always had a few of being a burden. It's why I spent my 20s so outspoken and so difficult to connect with for most people. If I didn't have that deep relationship with someone I cannot become a burden to them when I am sick. Which is most of the time.
Right now I would call myself actually sick. For me actually sick is sick beyond what I live with daily, beyond the chronic. This is sick that stopped me in my tracks, built a wall and has been a pain the ass for the last several days. You see I lost my voice- I talk for a living so it's sort of a problem. I couldn't even squeak for several days. Some breathing problems and lack of ability to fall/stay asleep has made for a rough week for myself and my husband.
But even when I am normal sick, just the sick of my nearly everyday lived experience be it "just pain". [Don't really know why I say "just" it hurts like hell most days. I am stiff and sore and unable to move the way I want or do the things I want because of repeated injuries to my body.] Or I could have a migraine or stomach problems. I always feel like I am ruining someone else's experience, life or chance at fun.
This feeling that I have negatively impacts me and my relationships. I struggle to ask for help when I need it. I struggle to take time for me when I need it [ until of course I walk into a wall that says take a break now]. I feel that I am letting people down when I am not at work, or doing my typical role around the house. When I am unable to communicate or stuck in bed for a prolonged duration.
So every time this year that I find myself feeling like a burden I want to check myself. If someone is willing to help me when I am sick it's because they care for me. I should trust my relationships both personal and professional enough to know that when they need help they will ask for it too. I need to work on being willing to ask for and receive help without feeling bad about myself.
Because I am not a burden.
Right now I would call myself actually sick. For me actually sick is sick beyond what I live with daily, beyond the chronic. This is sick that stopped me in my tracks, built a wall and has been a pain the ass for the last several days. You see I lost my voice- I talk for a living so it's sort of a problem. I couldn't even squeak for several days. Some breathing problems and lack of ability to fall/stay asleep has made for a rough week for myself and my husband.
But even when I am normal sick, just the sick of my nearly everyday lived experience be it "just pain". [Don't really know why I say "just" it hurts like hell most days. I am stiff and sore and unable to move the way I want or do the things I want because of repeated injuries to my body.] Or I could have a migraine or stomach problems. I always feel like I am ruining someone else's experience, life or chance at fun.
This feeling that I have negatively impacts me and my relationships. I struggle to ask for help when I need it. I struggle to take time for me when I need it [ until of course I walk into a wall that says take a break now]. I feel that I am letting people down when I am not at work, or doing my typical role around the house. When I am unable to communicate or stuck in bed for a prolonged duration.
So every time this year that I find myself feeling like a burden I want to check myself. If someone is willing to help me when I am sick it's because they care for me. I should trust my relationships both personal and professional enough to know that when they need help they will ask for it too. I need to work on being willing to ask for and receive help without feeling bad about myself.
Because I am not a burden.
Monday, January 6, 2020
You have no idea
When people see me, they probably see someone who is hard working, passionate, a little anxious, sociable, happy, and positive, but it stops there. I don't let many people beyond who I am in terms of my job and professional face.
What most people don't know is what a mask that is. It is so much easier to be that person, than to deal with what's really going on. To explain my day to day. To give the real and honest answer to "how are you?"
I live with chronic pain and illness. On countless occasions I've been told I'm "making it up", or "it's all in my head", or "there is nothing physically wrong with me that they can tell". But that doesn't mean it isn't real to me. That doesn't take the anguish away.
I've had migraines since I was 2. I figured it out once. I've spent more of my life with a migraine than without one. I work through them, drive through them, live through them, because I don't really have another choice. Medication can reduce how often they happen and can sometimes stop them, but not always. It's still something that I deal with weekly at least.
I've always had stomach problems. And I've tried every possible diet out there. I've cut carbs, dairy ,gluten, sugar, I've been vegetarian and vegan currently trying to cut out soy though I'm just really sick right now so I'll eat anything that feels okay. I struggle with IBS which is the worst because a food can be fine one day and horrible the next and give no indication.
I'm in pain. I've had several back injuries involving my skills and spine. I don't think I've ever gotten back to a base line. But instead found a new level of pain to live with after each one. This impacts sitting, standing and piano the most.
I also struggle with anxiety and depression. Even on good days I often feel lonely, or struggle because of the other things going on in my life.
I'm not sharing this to have you feel bad for me. But to remind you not go judge anyone by how they present themselves any given day and remember we all have our stories and baggage we carry with us. Most of the world just has no idea.
Saturday, January 4, 2020
New Years Resolutions
I have a few resolutions this year. Some are short term some are long term, some are just in my control and some require the participation of other people in my life. (in retrospect, I should probably have only made resolutions that I have control over) In order to keep myself accountable for the things I have control over I will be blogging about them here.
Here is what I resolve to do in 2020
1) Dry January- I have a mixed history with Alcohol. I can enjoy a beer, although recently I may have found myself allergic. However I can also go overboard and let the social freedom that alcohol gives me become a demon unto itself. So I want to take some time at the start of this year to have fun without alcohol.
2) Taking care of my health- For anyone close to me reading this you know that the year has been a roller coaster of health issues. I struggle with IBS (Irritable Bowl syndrome) it's symptoms can come at the drop of a hat making me nervous to eat anywhere other than home.
In addition it has become painful for me to eat many foods. After just a bite of many of my favorite foods my ears start to burn, my neck itches and it feels as though my throat is swelling, though I have never lost my airway (thankfully). After a lot of food tracking, soy, wheat and dairy are primary culprits---so nearly everything in my current diet. So I plan to work with an Allergist this year to figure out what's going on.
*First mini update on this- I did my first grocery shopping of this year, and read so many labels, but there are a lot of things I can eat. Fruits and Veggies have been my friend, meats, I found a sweat potato burger I am excited to try, a lot of Indian food from the frozen section for when I am exhausted and just don't want to cook.
3) De-clutter and consolidate: I am never going to be a minimalist. It's not in my nature, and that's okay. But what isn't okay with me is how much I have kept that I never where. That isn't my size or that I keep because I think someday it may fit again.
I spent several years in my teens with an eating disorder and if you looked at my closet a few weeks ago you'd say I still had some of those demons lingering with me. I was keeping clothing 6 sizes smaller than what I am thinking someday, someday. But guess what. I like who I am. I like my body, even on the days it fails me, it's MY BODY, and I need to respect it.
So the goal this year is 2 fold. The first is complete. I did an initial PURGE of clothing I don't wear, haven't worn since before my marriage (over 2 years ago), or I KNOW doesn't fit, will NEVER fit and that's OKAY! In this purge were 30 that's right THIRTY items of clothing to give to charity. 30 things taking up space in my closet.
The 2nd step will take longer. Now I need to see what I wear of what's left. Do I really go to the same 10 items all the time, or do I wear these other things throughout the year? Did I shrink any in the wash (I'm known for putting wool in the drier), was I wrong does this really NOT fit? Also the dreaded question do I really need 15 tank tops or 25 t-shirts? Is there such as thing as too many dresses? Too many shoes?
So 3 things I have control over for resolutions this year. I plan to do monthly check-ins on my progress so at least I'm holding myself accountable to myself.
I want to know what your Resolutions are for 2020.
Signing off for now,
Claire
Here is what I resolve to do in 2020
1) Dry January- I have a mixed history with Alcohol. I can enjoy a beer, although recently I may have found myself allergic. However I can also go overboard and let the social freedom that alcohol gives me become a demon unto itself. So I want to take some time at the start of this year to have fun without alcohol.
2) Taking care of my health- For anyone close to me reading this you know that the year has been a roller coaster of health issues. I struggle with IBS (Irritable Bowl syndrome) it's symptoms can come at the drop of a hat making me nervous to eat anywhere other than home.
In addition it has become painful for me to eat many foods. After just a bite of many of my favorite foods my ears start to burn, my neck itches and it feels as though my throat is swelling, though I have never lost my airway (thankfully). After a lot of food tracking, soy, wheat and dairy are primary culprits---so nearly everything in my current diet. So I plan to work with an Allergist this year to figure out what's going on.
*First mini update on this- I did my first grocery shopping of this year, and read so many labels, but there are a lot of things I can eat. Fruits and Veggies have been my friend, meats, I found a sweat potato burger I am excited to try, a lot of Indian food from the frozen section for when I am exhausted and just don't want to cook.
3) De-clutter and consolidate: I am never going to be a minimalist. It's not in my nature, and that's okay. But what isn't okay with me is how much I have kept that I never where. That isn't my size or that I keep because I think someday it may fit again.
I spent several years in my teens with an eating disorder and if you looked at my closet a few weeks ago you'd say I still had some of those demons lingering with me. I was keeping clothing 6 sizes smaller than what I am thinking someday, someday. But guess what. I like who I am. I like my body, even on the days it fails me, it's MY BODY, and I need to respect it.
So the goal this year is 2 fold. The first is complete. I did an initial PURGE of clothing I don't wear, haven't worn since before my marriage (over 2 years ago), or I KNOW doesn't fit, will NEVER fit and that's OKAY! In this purge were 30 that's right THIRTY items of clothing to give to charity. 30 things taking up space in my closet.
The 2nd step will take longer. Now I need to see what I wear of what's left. Do I really go to the same 10 items all the time, or do I wear these other things throughout the year? Did I shrink any in the wash (I'm known for putting wool in the drier), was I wrong does this really NOT fit? Also the dreaded question do I really need 15 tank tops or 25 t-shirts? Is there such as thing as too many dresses? Too many shoes?
So 3 things I have control over for resolutions this year. I plan to do monthly check-ins on my progress so at least I'm holding myself accountable to myself.
I want to know what your Resolutions are for 2020.
Signing off for now,
Claire
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