Bully

Kids tease each other over everything, if your tall, if your short, if your thin, smart, struggling, have the best clothes, wear second hand and hand-me-downs, what neighborhood you're from, what your parents do and anything else you could possibly think of.

This was not insight I had as a child and even kids are capable of being really mean in their taunts.

As a teacher I have learned to forgive the people who made my life hell in school.

It wasn't until I started teaching that I saw that the biggest bullies in schools were often the ones who had the most difficult home situations, or who were the most insecure in their own standing. It was easier to pick on other people that risk that other people pick on them. Better to be the bully than a victim.

I started to reflect on my own years in school and the situations in people's homes that as a child I was unaware of.

The two girls who were the "worst" in elementary and middle school had mothers who had moved past vicariously living through their daughters to trying to be just like their daughters by whatever means necessary.  Think Regina George's mom (Amy Poehler) in Mean Girls. Plastic surgery, wearing the same clothing as their daughters, trying to be friends, not parents. Kids need structure and rules, even when they push back. They both had siblings who took a significant amount of their parents attention for a variety of reasons, medical, drug use, learning disabilities. When your 8 years old you aren't aware of all of the parts moving behind the scenes you just know your feelings are hurt.

I didn't go to the public high school in my community and haven't spoken to these people in over a decade. But I have learned to forgive them and let go of that pain that I held on to for years. While my family was not perfect and we certainly had our own set of challenges, I can't imagine what their lives were like growing up and I can't be mad about the behaviors that they produced as a result.

We don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Someone's life can look perfect on the outside, but that doesn't mean it is. We should provide people with grace and meet them with understanding when they act out. That behavior is communicating a need.

As a teacher my job is to identify the need my students communicate with a variety of behaviors. I have learned grace and patience through my work. Hindsight is 20/20.  I cannot go back to elementary and middle school, but I can move past the behaviors of kids whose communication wasn't being listened to.

Signing off for now

-C