AWAKE

As I start to write this it's 5:22 am. I've been away since 3:58

I should start by saying I am not a morning person. I'm also not really a night owl any more, I just have a screwed up sleep schedule. This visual by AVR.method is one that really resonates with me.

As a teen and through my 20s I was a night owl, I did my best work between 10pm and 2am. Many of my colleagues and families can attest to this given when I respond to emails most frequently.

I however married an early bird. It took away but I adjusted my sleep schedule to match his.  When J was home and working remote pre-quarantine he not only was an early bird, but an early bird who worked East coast time...we live in the PWN. So he was up and making coffee at 5 am every day. Even when he would travel I would work to keep my sleep schedule the same, so I wouldn't have to re-adjust every weekend.  We go to be EARLY.  As someone who when single would rarely go to be before midnight. My bedtime in marriage is around 8:30pm.

However in quarantine, life has changed. My job started at 9am instead of 7:30 and my commute simply involved getting dressed and eating breakfast. J isn't working right now so the demand to go to bed early has also ceased. I still try to go to bed at reasonable hours (before 10), but struggle with racing thoughts of the pandemic, work, the state of our nation, the state of my relationships, and just generally things I have little to no control over.

Not only does this cause me to struggle to fall asleep, but I also struggle to stay asleep. Waking up frequently eventually giving up on falling back asleep, because at least when I'm fully awake I can work to change my thoughts.

Last night I had the addition of an allergy fit from hell that kept me up until nearly midnight, so the idea that I work only 4 hours later and am expected to function as a human today is unlikely.

Signing off for Now

-C