Expensive

 As the "male loneliness epidemic" gains interest, followers, traction, whatever you call it, the concept of women being gold diggers comes up.  A saw a post this week that said "If she's wearing a $30 lip gloss, she doesn't care about the $20 drink and certainly isn't after your money" And while I have met women who have gone after particular men for status, power, money, etc, most women I know aren't that. 

Are we expensive? Yes. I would classify all of my friends as expensive. Each in their own ways. Some love jewelry, others spend a lot on trainers, some have really invested in wardrobes and luxury bags, some wanted multiple children- that's really expensive. Most people I'm close to at this point have a lot invested in their hobbies: skiing, skating, art, travel. I am personally a travel person. I spend a good bit on travel, and the gear to enjoy it, but the most expensive part of being me is medical. Which is an even bigger hiccup for men in my experience. They can get over the expensive hand bag or fancy jewelry every once in awhile, but my medical bills are annual with no sign of ever going a way. 

But here's what I don't get, I pay for all of those things on my own. So do all of my friends. Yes it is expensive to be me, but I fund it. This means no one, especially not a man gets a say in what I fund. 

I was married for 7 years. In that time our expenses were 100% joint and I'll never do it again. He would question my purchases, while he bought a $40,000 car without talking to me.  I was a sole bread winner for 6 months and the insurance provider for all 7 years, but my spending habits were the only one that got questioned. Men put themselves in this "provider" role even if they aren't providing. 

I can afford myself, it may not be lavish, but it meets my needs.  I don't need someone else's money. What I need is their time, their affection, their commitment, their care, their understanding, their compassion, their conversation, their engagement. I need to be enough, not enough money, not a status, not just my looks, not because of what I can give them or get them, but me on my own be enough. 

But most people don't want to put in the work, they'd rather complain on the internet about women being gold diggers than actually put in the effort to build something. This is why women would rather be alone. It's easier than being disappointed. 

-C