The non-linear parts of grief

 I can know for a fact that I am better off no longer married to my ex-husband and that he is more than likely better off no longer married to me. We were not compatible, and I wish him success in finding someone that he’s compatible with just like I hope that I can too. 

But I can know that and still really miss my relationship that I had with my mother-in-law. For reasons, not entirely clear to me, she has chosen to limit our relationship to prayers and Very limited texts around holidays. And I want so badly for that not to be painful. I want to be able to move on from the relationship I had with her the way I have in the relationship I had with her son. I want to not be hurt by the fact she’s in town and I won’t see her. And how that continued heartache is while healing from divorce isn’t linear because so much of me has moved forward and started to build a new life for myself, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss her and that sucks because I’m the only one sitting with that pain. 

She is genuinely one of the most kind people I have ever met in my life and I wish her nothing but happiness and she knows that but it’s like losing a ray of sun. Life is a little bit colder without it