- More dental work - I got my 3rd deep clean- this time they did top and bottom in one go. It was rough and I had a lot of pain coming out of it, but it's done. I also got prepped for a crown I will get in June. It's a lot of work in short order, but I am working on making changes to better myself and my teeth are a really big part of that.
- Seattle Rock Orchestra Does the Beatles. This is my second year going and I loved it. The front row seat was great but next year I think I'll go with row B to have a built in chair with arm rests instead of a padded folding chair- Lesson learned. Also hope to bring my mom next year as they do the show every mother's day weekend.
- I spent Mother's Day at the Zoo and Aquarium- along with what felt like everyone else; but I can't blame people for wanted to get out and enjoy what was a perfect PNW day. I could have spent hours were it not for the screaming children watching the Sting Rays, Hammerheads and the Sea Turtle swim above my head. I will have to go back on a week day in the summer to enjoy it more. But Point Defiance is a wonderful zoo and the location in the sun on the water couldn't be better.
- I took another step in separating my life from my ex getting the car transferred into my name and getting it insured. Also had to get a new battery, because life happens. It's be a very expensive month with the car. But its really mine now so I'm okay with that.
- Remlinger Fun Park which was just a disappointment- not even county fair level fun, several rides weren't even open yet- I know it's early in the season and it was rainy, but if you don't have full activities you shouldn't be charing full price. I did the ferris wheel and train ride and the big swing. *If you have children between 18months and 5 years this place is probably great* They do make good beers and ciders- but don’t pay for the “amusement park”as an adult unless you are with very excited small children.
- So I road tripped up to Snohomish for my favorite meal from Pie Dive Bar and walked into a motorcycle rally. There is NOTHING that could stop me from getting my Thanksgiving pie and Fireside Chat cocktail- the extra 4 block walk just made more room in my stomach. I also saw some beautiful motorcycles, because while riding them isn't my thing, I can appreciate art. Until they start, then it's full body sensory overload.
- Another cooking class at Whisk focused on Spring Risotto Not as good as my other class- I have a personal opinion that if you are going to book a team building session it should have to be a private class or activity the group was loud and caused the instructor to have to think about 4 different cooking speeds hers (cooking for multiples) the groups of 3 2 and 1 - and she wasn’t great at it- I won’t take a session run by her again as I ended up standing around and mu rice ended up over cooked. She also talked negatively about another chef that works at Whisk and their methods and cut me off mid question to do so. I will absolutely make the cake again but it’s good to know not all classes are created equal.
Another cooking class- this time through Cozymeal which pairs chefs with people looking to learn. events are held in their own homes or cooking spaces - this one was for Italian food- specifically Gnocchi. What a treat! The class was small- only 5 of us and our instructor Andrea- He's from Torino Italy and it was a joy to be welcomed into his home for this event. He truly made us feel welcome and taught us a lot. This course varied from my courses at Whisk in that several of the sauces were made in advance allowing us to have richer flavors than our class would have allowed for. Also we got to actually talk to each other as there were only 6 of us total compared to the normal 16 at Whisk. We made spinach and ricotta gnudi in a tomato sauce. Potato gnocchi sauced 2 ways; tomato sauce and a basil walnut pesto that was to die for and finally a butternut squash gnocchi. We also made a salad and chef had prepared a lemon cake in advance for us to have as desert. I will absolutely take another class from Andrea and will look into other small class size courses form Cozymeal again when I get back from vacation.
- Trump was convicted on all 34 counts. We teach our children that will be held accountable for their actions and their words. And I am so pleased that by a jury of his peers that Donald Trump was held accountable for his actions in a court of law. Wont know the consequences until July, and he could still run for office, but just seeing him be held accountable makes me feel better.
What originally started as a travel blog has morphed into a medium for sharing about daily life at home. Life's an adventure, even if you never leave the country, and this is my journey.
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Friday, May 31, 2024
May Update
Monday, May 27, 2024
Running on E
I feel like I've been running on E since October. When it first started to feel like something was wrong. Like he was pulling away. When it was like pulling teeth to go out on Halloween- the anniversary of our first date- something we have done every year felt strange.
November when a birthday weekend away wasn't what he wanted or good enough or maybe it was me that wasn't good enough.
November 29th the day my world fell apart; and the following weeks thinking I could some how fix a broken marriage on me own- when it takes 2 to fall apart and 2 to put it back together.
Christmas and my delusion that I could handle being with his family for the holidays when he clearly didn't want me there - wish he had just said he didn't want me there instead of making me feel like a burden or bother the whole trip.
Finding a new place to live and moving out in a matter of weeks. Celebrating my 35th birthday with friends in my new home, but certainly not how I anticipated this year of my life starting off. Trying to pick up pieces as they continue to shatter
February watching him go off on a trip that was supposed to be our adventure - spending time at home with people whose love is not conditional, who propped me up. But returning to Seattle and feeling weaker than when I left.
March a long month- just pushing through-not taking enough breaks- not being good to myself- because sitting with my own thoughts is just scary.
April- House officially sold. This was it's own headache- glad that's over. Don't know if I ever need to own a home again-not that it's even remotely feasible in the market I live in- at least not alone. So Much stress in this process my mental health took a serious toll. I went to NY to see family and just like the trip back to MN while I felt bolstered up when I was there, it all came crashing down when I got home. Just doing my best to keep my head above water. If I told you I was fine in April I was lying.
May- Took the last set of steps before signing papers to separate our lives. I got hit with a ton of bricks in terms of medical, dental and car related bills and my beyond grateful I have the family I do because they stepped in to help and I am so grateful to not feel like an elephant is on my chest every day. I'm struggling at work, struggling with relationships that have sustained me and being good to myself at the same time.
For the last 8 months I have felt like I'm always running out of gas but knowing I have to just keep going, because I'm all I've got. On the bad days I just come home to me- A glass of wine my couch and the record player.
I am so hopeful that my vacation this summer is long enough to really recharge my battery to help me find myself and to get off the waitlist for a therapist I can see next fall.
It took 2 of us to break our marriage but I'm only responsible for myself now and I need to take care of me. I'm still figuring out how I do that.
Monday, May 20, 2024
7 years
7 years feels like a lifetime ago.
7years ago I was celebrating my bachelorette party with my friends. I was excited about what was to come. And now 7 years later many of those women are still in my life, they are still my support even as the things that I’m looking forward to have changed.
We were young and carefree. No one had kids yet. We were all still living our “city lives” we were still looking forward. In the conversations I’ve had with the ones I am still connected to, we’re looking back. Back at where we were, at the paths we took and questioning some of the choices we made not necessarily with regret but with wonder.
I hope in 7 years I can look back at photos connected to the last 7 years and not be so emotional, not that I expect to be over it- there are some things you don’t “get over” but rather learn to carry. I just want to remember to good and have the sad not feel so heavy.
Signing off for now
-c
Wednesday, May 15, 2024
I don't miss him but...
I don't miss him but I grieve the loss of what I thought we had.
I don't miss him but I deal with immense anxiety leading up to see him.
I don't miss him but my heart races and not in a good way when I'm around him.
Those aren't butterflies they are warning signals!
I don't miss him but I fall apart after I see him.
I don't miss him but I want to look great when I have to see him.
So he knows what he lost.
I don't miss him but I still feel.
I desperately want to not feel.