Grief-The loss of a student

The loss of a student is a grief and pain I would not wish on anyone. It's a pain the hits at the core of your being when your a teacher. It's a pain I know in many forms and every time it happens all of the emotions of previous experiences come flooding back.

21,20 and 21. That's how old they would be now: Rhameek Tuitt, Heavenlie Rodriguez and Charlie Gathings.  I hold them in my heart no matter where I am teaching. Their charisma, compassion, kindness, friendship and drive made me a better teacher.  Their lives may have been cut short but I will not let their impact be.

Your absence has gone through me like a thread through a needle. 

Everything I do is stitched with its color

W.S. Merwin 

We are told to "be strong" for our students. But over the years I have learned the importance of being honest with my students. The importance of being real about feelings and pain, not staying in them, but honoring them. Our emotions as educators are valid and students need human connection when they are hurting, not a robotic response.

So be humble, be honest, be present. 

This time is complicated by the separation I have with my classes and colleagues in social distancing. I cannot provide a hug for my friends who are feeling a very real and painful loss. We cannot gather in support of this family or our community due to the current rules in place. Students cannot gather together to support each other.

I can be a listening ear and social-emotional support for my students who just want someone to talk to, but it feels simply not enough.

I did not know this student well. I said hello to him every morning when I came in and during passing time in the halls. Our limited interactions don't make it suck any less.

I am sad for my friends who knew him well, who taught him. I am sad for my students who are grieving the loss of a friend. I am sad for the family who doesn't get a proper goodbye because of the state of our system currently. I am sad for all of the students I have lost.

There is no one right way to do this. No one right way to heal. No one right way to grieve, mourn, move forward. I would just ask that people not try to do it alone. We may be physically distant, but especially now we should be socially connected.  I'm here if you need me. 

Signing off for now
-C