Change

I am having to learn to deal with A LOT of change at a very rapid pace.
We are being told to accept change.
To BE FLEXIBLE.
While for many people this all may just an an annoyance. Something that they will work through.
For me, this change, this pace of this required, FORCED flexibility, is causing significant anxiety, and is incredibly draining. I am out of SPOONS! *

I don't do change well.
I never have.
It's really hard for me.
That's not an excuse, it's just a reality. 

I have a system, one that works for me, one that I follow.
The first few weeks of every school year are always hard for me, because it's a lot of NEW.
But we get there. We find our normal.
It's why I prep so much in the summer, to be ready for everything I can, to prepare myself as much as possible.

But nothing I have ever done. No class I have ever attended. No training I have ever engaged in prior to this week, could ever even begin to prepare me for this. To be shut down for 6 weeks.
To have my normal, my consistency, my regular ripped away from me.

So I am doing the one thing I know how to do.
I plan.
I organize.
I get my shit together.
Sometimes to the detriment of my social interactions with those I work with. - Sorry-
I'm doing the best I can.
This is really hard for me.
In a way that I cannot explain to you.
Other than to say I am out of spoons.*

So in the coming weeks.
Know that I am trying.
Be kinds.
Check-in.



*If you are unfamiliar with Spoon theory please watch this video