My fiance had asked before we were engaged that I read Tim Keller's "The Meaning of Marriage". I had put it off, but finally got the audio book and started listening yesterday. The book utilizes Ephesians 5, which is a chapter I had studied on my own in preparing for a life with J. Trying to set up what a strong marriage will look like. It has been helpful to have a more experienced and well versed look at Ephesians 5, as well as other biblical ideas on marriage.
Other verses I have utilized to prepare my heart are:
Sirach 26:1-16 (it's part of the Apocrypha an addition to the Catholic bible)
Proverbs 31: 10-31
Corinthians 7:1-5
Ephesians 5 --Favorites are 5:25-33
For a long time I was studying Sirach, but in realizing how 1-dimensional it was in it's looking at a good and wicked wife, however true, I needed more.
Proverbs: 31:10-31 Similarly took Sirach Proverbs looks at what a good wife brings to her husband, but outlines what it means to be a noble wife. What that means in regards to my partnership in marriage, but also the type of person it makes me to the community. Not only should I work hard for the benefit of my household. But also open my arms to the poor and be a strong woman of faith.
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 [a]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Specifically
To support my husband in his success--likewise I believe it is a noble husband to support the success of his wife. To support the work that J is doing, as he has supported my goals. There are days the job of being supportive is hard, but never impossible. All things worth having are worth working on, even if it's a compromise. As Timothy Keller stated in his book, being married is about giving up the individual for the betterment of the couple---to me this means not always "Getting your way" to support and better the family. This may mean a move, or more time together or apart that we are used to, more or less travel. Time where we have to focus on the other's goals before our own. J has demonstrated this over and over again, even if he didn't agree with the choices to stay with a job. I hope I can do the same for him throughout our marriage.
To speak with Wisdom, rather than a wicked tongue. -- A personal New Years resolution is to stay out of the gossip and negative conversations at work as they only cause more pain, and are not part of the solution. I believe the same principals can be applied in looking at a relationship and marriage. I want to focus on being part of solutions and problem solving, rather than mindless problem creating.
My favorite verse from this passage is verse 30 because it is the hardest for me to follow and abide by and is a strong reminder to stay faithful. The Verse reads " Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
I have for years struggled with anxiety and body image and have relied on charm, personality and what I look like to hide my issues and failings. In the last year I have been incredibly humbled, and have relied more on the LORD in all of my life more in the last year than I had in the last 10, but I am not perfect and feel that I often fail. But this is who I want to be. This is the reminder I give myself each day, to strive to be more faith and trust in the lord. Looking to God first and asking him what path I should take, looking for his influence and go to the bible for answers in life, rather than living as I was previously--Going along living my life and expecting God to follow. God First. I have taken the advice of my mother and have been starting every morning saying "God use me to do your will today". I still have to do the work and speak with wisdom, but it helps me hold myself accountable. I believe focusing on this is preparing me to not only be a daughter in the Lord, but also a strong and faithful wife.
Corinthians 7: 1-5
While focused on the topic of sexual relations, I believe the verses have a deeper meaning of respect that a husband and his wife show to each other in their relationship. A mans body is not his own, and neither is his wife. They are their for each other.
Ephesians 5:5-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband
Specifically
25 and 26 When I met J he opened up so much of God's love for me. So much that I had never experienced, that I didn't know what there. He has supported me through the weakest moments of my life, as Jesus loved and cared for the weak. I have tried to be the same for him. To comfort him when he is struggling.
33 I believe this can be generalized to say a husband and wife must love each other as they love themselves and respect each other as they respect themselves. This is hard. I find it especially difficult when I am struggling to love myself. When I am working through old wounds, trying to overcome previous issues in my life, it is difficult to give all to J as I am weak myself. I need to remember that I am sure sometimes he feels this way. That when he is hurting he cannot give me that fullest love, because he does not love himself to the fullest. This is something i continue to struggle with--anyone who has advice on this matter, I do welcome it.
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