Pain

 I wish you could live in my pain for a day

        To understand the war I wage with myself to get out of bed in the morning

               To stand and take a shower

                     To lift my bag

                            To walk to my car

                  All while having lightening bolts of shockwaves travel throughout my body

I wish you could live in my pain for a day

        To understand just how bad florescent lights really are

            To understand just how draining teaching really is

                To walk the many miles of my day

All while having a throbbing migraine

I wish you could live in my pain for a day

        To understand that I cannot remember a time in my life that I have not had pain

            To understand the accident prone body I was given that bruises so easily I don't know where they   come from

                To understand that it wasn't just 1 back injury it was several and they compound differently

                    To understand that pushing through has a cost. 

That cost is my sanity

Real and true 

The cost is my relationships

No one really wants the broken person all the time

The cost is my career

Upwards trajectories seem unlikely with a body that cannot keep up with the deman

The cost is never being carefree

Because knowing where I can get medical care is critical 

The cost is Freedom 

Because that job with that insurance is required for my wellbeing

The cost is my free time

Because I spent all my spoons on existing rather than thriving

I wish you could spend a day in my pain 

        To realize I can't turn it off,  I'm not making it up. 

            No I cannot just push past it. 

                  It doesn't go away, and frankly it hasn't gotten better. 

Zap

Jab

Ache

Yawn

Cramp

Throb

Pound

Crush

Zap

Jab

Ache

Yawn

Cramp

Throb

Pound

Crush

My pain is what I know