What originally started as a travel blog has morphed into a medium for sharing about daily life at home. Life's an adventure, even if you never leave the country, and this is my journey.
If you had told me last December that I was going to find happiness again, I wouldn't have believed you. Honestly if you told me that in September I'm not sure I would have believed you. But here I am ending what has easily been the hardest year of my life, really looking forward to what the next year has in store.
I am actively working on myself in therapy. This has easily been the 2nd best thing I did for myself this year. The first being loving myself enough to walk away from my marriage. Therapy for me is less about dwelling in the past and more about navigating my thought processes, getting to the core of why I believe certain things about myself and working to live healthier moving forward.
I listened to a lot of female musicians this year. Fell into the top 100 Dessa listeners, and got my feels processed, validated or at least out with these songs this year.
This year I've really learned that No is a full sentence. With no further explanation needed. I can simply say no to things. I can prioritize myself over my job, over what other people want of me. I can make time for who and what I want, and not say yes just because. I can take up space at the table when I choose to sit at it, but not have to be there all the time. Giving up control is hard, but so crucial.
I've learned to build a space I love. It would be hard to go back to living with someone full time. Not impossible, but it would certainly take adjustment as I've fallen back in love with having my space set up as I want it. If the laundry sits on the couch for a day and doesn't get folded, it's okay. If I wait 4 days to run the dishwasher as it's not yet full- this is also okay. I take the trash out weekly and get the boxes of recycling out when the stack is almost too big for me to get out on my own, but I'm not seeking to please anyone else by the way I do or don't keep my house.
I have art ALMOST EVERYWHERE. I still have 1 fully blank wall in my bedroom, and I kind of like it that way, nothing to distract me as I fall asleep, but plenty of beautiful things to look at the rest of the time.
Before break, I got a reminder of why I stepped down from leadership. The anxiety and pressure and stress of trying to get everyone an answer, to feel like my own questions have been answered, the desperate need for closure when frankly it rarely exists and the anxiety caused by disappointing people or feeling like I need to coddle adults. I'm so over it. I don't miss it and I really don't want it back. I remember looking at my first co-chair when she stepped down, she seemed lighter and happier. I feel that now, and as much as I care for many of the people I work with. This week has been damaging to my mental health.
8 years ago this month I got engaged. Something I thought was perfect and would last forever- simply didn't. Over the last 12 months I have been removing memories from Facebook and doing my damnedest to fill my photo drives with new memories so my phone stops creating "memories" with my ex because it's extremely painful to be reminded of what I thought were happy memories that now feel very tainted by many of the things he said and done in the process of the end of our marriage. Mostly feeling like much of my marriage was a lie that was carried on far too long, because he was too scared to be honest with himself and with me about it. But the engagement photos hadn't been removed last year, because at this time I was still hopeful he'd fight for me. That when I said I was looking at moving out that he would say something- anything to stop me from doing that. But he didn't. He didn't fight for us. It feels like he was waiting for me to walk away so he didn't have to be the "bad guy" leaving me with so much baggage to work through- thank god for therapy. But it's time to say goodbye to many of those photos, because continuing to have them and see them isn't healthy.
In the memory making department. I am learning to open my heart up again. It has been a year of firsts. First dates, first time time meeting each others friends, first time cooking for each other, first trip together, first holidays together. And so far so good. Communication feels respectful, things that would have in the past led to an argument or name calling or tears, are civil conversations. We had had conversations where we aren't on exactly the same page, but it's not accusatory or belittling, it's respectful and that's a breath of fresh air after the last several years. His friends have been warm and welcoming, and mine note it's nice to see me smiling again. I have a sense of ease and calm when I'm with him. We compliment each other and I look forward to what's to come. I certainly have missed him as We are both home for Christmas. Texting and video calls are great, but they aren’t enough so I look forward to us both being home in January.
This Christmas has been an emotional one, maybe even more emotional than last Christmas and that’s saying a lot because last Christmas marriage ended, but I was spending it with my ex in-laws.
While there was drama and chaos and so many tears, unlike last year, it led to a lot of really good conversations, and I am hopeful that those conversations will lead to progress for me in therapy and better relationship relationships with my family.
I have taken So many naps. pretty much daily long naps I am processing so many things in dreams. I am battling Demons that I really don’t want to take into 2025. This year I want to be able to trust myself. As I leave 2024, I have feelings and thoughts that I second-guess myself on pretty much daily and I want to be in a place where I can trust my feelings and trust myself in the decisions I make moving forward. I want to no longer make decisions based on fear or worry. I want to stop second-guessing myself. I want to feel confident in what I’m saying and what I’m doing, but I with that I’m signing off. See you next year!
I start this list in January and add to it as the year goes on.
Bath/Body/Hair
FHI UNbrush My hair tangles so easily but this brush tames this wild beast, even if I skip brushing for a few days. But best use is morning and evening, before and after a shower.
L'ange Brush Dryer Life changing. Seriously. Doing my hair has always taken more spoons than I've been willing to give it, but this along with a shorter style makes it fast and easy. Dries my hair in under 10 minutes and styles it at the same time. They are almost always having a sale, so just wait to get it at a discount- I think I got mine 40% off.
Compressed Towel Tablets I have often found compressed hand towels and wash clothes to be cheap, scratchy and not worth it. Then I found this. They are thicker, larger and softer than other options I've tried, they can take a beating and a lot of soap. Great to keep in the car, to travel with and to take camping. They take up almost no space, are light weight and need very little water to expand fully.
Typology Tinted Skincare It took me a while, but I did finally cave after yet another day of makeup looking really cakey on me. I'm glad I did- While I've only been using the products since mid-October I would be completely fine parting with the rest of my make up. I have linked the very popular trio as it's a good place to start. I currently have 2 different tints as I am somewhere in the middle, 2 lip colors (Ruby Red and Plum Purple), the concealer, color corrector for redness (Could wear this alone) and the glow drops. It is the easiest and most flawless my makeup has ever been as an adult and I don't think I'll ever go back. I like that my skin looks like my skin but a little better.
Goats Milk Soap This year I struggled a lot with contact dermatitis from pretty much anything and everything. But this soap never causes issues. It is my favorite for my home and to gift to others. It's made in small batches in rural MN. I personally love the pumpkin spice for a hand soap and use the unscented as a body soap. The Eucalyptus Mint is also a really refreshing scent.
Food/Beverage
LMNT Electrolyte Mix Not all electrolyte powders are created equal. Most are filled with sugar and not enough salt. The first Ingredient in LMNT is Salt, the first in Hydration IV is Sugar. I've tried about a dozen different hydration brands and LMNT beats out last year's favorite Drip Drop by a mile in how it makes me feel. Like most people I thought low sodium diets were "better for you" turns out I need more salt in my diet as it helps reduce my headaches. As a chronic migraine sufferer since the age of 2 I wish someone had said try salty water earlier. I do my best to add 1 pack to 24 ounces of water once a day and it really helps limit my migraines. It's also good for staying balanced on hot summer hikes. I actually really love the Mango Chili Salt Flavor
Home Goods
Claire White Wine Glasses The wine glasses we got from our wedding were the same style I grew up with and was cut glass very ornate. Not my style now, so those were donated and I got myself a pair of stemmed wine glasses. I don't need many as it's normally just me and normally stemless is fine, but some drinks really need that stem. You can usually find these on sale through Amazon- I got mine for about $20.
Shower Chair Chronic Illnesses dictate a lot of my life. Living with Autism dictates a lot of my life. Standing in a shower and self care is often something I have little to no energy left for, this chair has made a significant difference in my life. I put off getting a shower chair for a long time because I thought it was for "old people" but I wont feel bad any more because it makes my life better.
KitchenAid Stick Blender This is probably the most used gadget in my kitchen. If I need to chop or mince- it does that. If I need to puree it does that, if I need to whisk it does that. I don't make bread and my cookies and cakes are limited. I don't need the big stand mixer and was okay with parting ways with it in the divorce. He will use it more than I will. But for the small batch cooking I do, this is perfect. The best part all the parts that touch food are dish-washer safe which makes clean up easy too.
Instapot 6 Quart Well it took me about 10 months after moving out on my own to really get into a swing of cooking and I finally did it thanks to the Instapot. I've owned this for at least 4 years but have used in more in the last 3 months than I had in that entire time previously. I love the ease of a frozen meal, but given a new list of dietary things to avoid or limit, I found that it was easier to meal prep my own and then have options to choose from. I freeze all but 2 portions and have them on hand for an easy meal after work- especially on the really long days. This fall I built a stock pile of soups and stews I could pull from during the week and not having to think about having a really good home made meal.
Soup Freezer Containers Comes in a pack of 4 and each piece holds 2 individual servings. I put my soups/stews in the molds and stick them in the freezer after about 24 hours they are frozen and can be put in bags to store long term. This way I only defrost 1 at a time and have home cooked meals any night of the week.
Cooling Sheets Climate change is real. Apartments without A/C can get very warm, and as someone who likes to have the weight of a blanket while I sleep, having the ability to stay cool is crucial. I've also started to have night sweats/ hot flashes and these are wonderful. Many colors available.
Electronics:
Skull Candy Ear BudsI own 2 pairs of these. 1 for work and 1 for home (mostly the gym). They are so much more comfortable and affordable than the Apple products and work really well. Between the case and the buds themselves they've got close to a 20 hour combined charge They have a small loop you can attach a carabiner to so they can go anywhere with you.
Clothing
Athleta Brooklyn Mid-rise Ankle Pant I shop their sales specifically for this pant. I have it in 3 colors now, an olive green, mauve and a white and green strip for summer. This pant is light, flowy and can be dressed up or down. I love that Athleta has talls so I get the fit that is advertised. It hits me right at my belly button and is the perfect rise for this type of pant.
Simple Seed Adult Romper Is a onesie in a cute pattern or solid that is soft, lightweight and great for sleep or lounge wear. I would not wear it outside my home unless I was camping- then it's completely reasonable. It has built in hand and foot covers just like baby's favorite onesie which is actually great for those of us that scratch or just get cold. The comfy jersey fabric and tag free design make this a sensory friendly option- they are also size inclusive.
Thinx Underwear If you aren't someone who menstruates this doesn't apply to you- if you do I strongly suggest giving these a try if you are a light to medium bleeder. I cannot speak to how well it works if you are a heavier bleeder but for me this is a reusable option I could get behind. The cup was never a good option for me and I don't like all the chemicals in pads and tampons or the impact they have on the environment. These are expensive upfront so I have been building up my set for about 2 years, but totally worth it.
This is the FIRST TIME in 7 years that I'm not hosting Thanksgiving. At first I was a little sad about that; but then I realized it was freeing. I don't have to do anything for anyone else. I can choose who I want to spend my time with, and choose who I don't wish to spend my time with. As with every November I am trying to be grateful. I thought I'd try this month to follow one of those grateful checklists within this blog.
1st: Unexpected Blessing: In a year of a lot of medical bills- any time I can pickup coverage for colleagues I appreciate the extra cash. Today I picked up 1.5 classes- happy to have the extra.
2nd: Friends I am grateful for:
I kicked off the month by choosing to spend my time with friends. A very millennial Harry Potter party. I am so grateful to all of them. They've seen me through some dark days and it was great to have fun and start to enjoy coming out the other side.
3rd: Childhood lesson
When I was in elementary school, but parents gifted my grandparents a night at a hotel. But being who they are, they invited me to join them for a night in the city and a pool to swim in. Unknown to any of us there was a convention happening at the hotel for trans people. I remember standing in the elevator and asking grandma why that man was wearing a pink dress. My grandmothers response "Doesn't she look nice"
My grandmother believed in meeting all people with kindness and grace. I think about the responses other members of my family would have given me, but those simple words have stuck with me in such a positive way and I will forever be grateful to her for that.
This weekend I introduced someone to some of my friends from work and church. And all the anxiety I had about it, was just silly. Dating is strange. Dating after nearly a decade is down right weird. But I didn't need to be worried or anxious about any of this. It was good. They all noted I looked happy, they could see a difference. And that is a lovely change.
For me the Christ like attribute I am most grateful for is Grace. We don’t know what’s going on in another persons life and whenever possible starting from a place of grace is impactful
5th: Saying. - "If you think you love freedom, but don't care if it applies to everyone, what you actually love is privilege"
Election day is scary. Today my worst fears were realized. I am so angry that we are here again. That this is the state of the country I live in. The fight continues forward. But today and probably tomorrow I sit with sadness and grief. It's okay to hold space for that.
I couldn't control the election results, but I could control decorating my Christmas Tree, so that's what I did. My Angel on top is a Suffragette.
6th:Provision Of healing.
I am grateful in this season, that as I move through my grief journey, my divorce and the after effects of that, that I am finding healing. I am learning to forgive and to apologize. Even when apologizes are not offered in return. The people who hurt me owe me nothing, but I owe myself peace and space to heal.
7th: Tradition
Well today is my ex husband's birthday. So not spending today the way I traditionally would, but I'm building a new normal. A tradition in general that I am thankful for is driving to see the Christmas lights. Growing up we would drive around the lakes in Minneapolis to see all the houses with their beautiful displays.
Today I was dressed down for being happy. I had great Indian food. And I spent time at our district's transition program where I got to see several alumni from my school and my heart was filled with joy. Had a session with my therapist to end my night.
This year- it feels like it's been Keep Pushin' by REO Speedwagon.
I used to be lonely 'til I learned about livin' alone I found other things to keep my mind on And I'm gettin' to know myself a little bit better Whoa-oh, I keep pushin' on I keep pushin' on, yeah
Goin' through all the changes I made so many mistakes, oh yes, I did Tryin' to leave behind the heartaches And sometimes I think I was a little bit crazy, oh yeah Whoa-oh, I keep pushin' on
Keep pushin', keep pushin' (Keep pushin') keep pushin' on Keep pushin', keep pushin' You know you have got to be so strong (keep pushin')
9th: Memory
This year has been about trying to forget memories if I'm being honest. Or at least compartmentalizing the last 9 years.
2 memories from the last 9 years I have no interest in ever forgetting are the first times I met my best friends two daughters. I have loved these girls since before they were born. I have loved watching them grow. And will continue to be their extra auntie forever and for always.
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Shakespeare date. I've a new found joy in having someone else plan dates and activities. To share those responsibilities. I feel like I'm learning what it means to have a healthy relationship.
10th: Book
My favorite book as a child was "The Little Princess" my dad read it to me and gifted me a copy on my wedding day to remind me that no matter what I will always be his princess. A fact I have been reminded of this year as he's helped me through some of my darkest days. I am so grateful to have never outgrown that title.
Wicked at the Paramount. I've never seen this show and this was a gift to my younger self. I have seen many Broadway shows and tours, and this was hands-down the best music reality and singing I have ever seen in a show. It was also to be in a packed house of people love music musicals in the same way I do.
11th Talent
My own talent that I am most grateful for is my voice. My voice has provided me countless opportunities to make memories and meet new people. I have performed in some amazing spaces, but some of my favorite memories singing are with my mom, aunt and grandmother around the organ or piano. Finding our perfect 4 part harmonies.
Today was a much needed day off. Not because I got to rest but because I got to catch up. To move through the mountains of paperwork that have taken over my life these last few weeks. I got to start and finish several IEPs and amendments. I got progress reports out and put in schedule requests for upcoming meetings. This fall has just about wiped me out, and it was nice to have a day to catch up and catch my breath.
Sometimes all you need is someone to show up for you and sometimes you need to be the person that shows up for someone else. I’m learning to be that person without depleting myself. giving what I can when I can.
12th Technology
Honestly most days as a teacher I hate technology. I hate the over reliance on tech. And I spend most days cursing cell phones even though I do appreciate what mine can offer.
But as I am working to be thankful for something specific every day- here is today's - I am thankful for the heated seats in my car. It rains A LOT in the PNW and I often get back to my car wet and cold, so I am thankful for the quick ability to warm up and shake off that chill.
13th Charity or Foundation
The ACLU- American's Civil Liberties Union is more important now than ever. They have been fighting for our civil rights for over 100 years and will need our help to keep fighting for 100 more. The next four years are going to be very busy. Not only do I support them financially but also with an investment of my time.
There is plenty of work to be done. And plenty of organizations already doing good work you don’t have to start from scratch. Not everyone has the financial resources to give money, but none of these organizations run without dedicated Volunteers. Your time is priceless. Think about who/ what causes you can give it to.
Today the thing I've been anxious about every time I go out happened. I ran into my ex while at Target. As soon as I recognized him, my heart went into overdrive and I was in fight/flight mode. But I'm proud of myself. I was polite we had a civil exchange and it wasn't bad. I wont actively seek it out, but I didn't faint, I didn't die. I got through it. Though it did take a solid hour for me to feel like I had calmed down and wasn't in a state of panic. I do hope to get past that at some point. To be able to run into him and not allow him to have that type of power over my responses. But for now I'm proud of myself and my therapist is proud of me too. Which I've decided is like getting a gold star as a grown up.
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14th Silly Moment
Most silly moments that I miss involve Disney, being playful and feeling like a kid again. For today we'll go with me meeting Eeyore with my Eeyore.
Today I spent the day traveling from Seattle to Boston. So many hours of travel for just a few days with family- but I wouldn't have it any other way.
15th Surprise
I don't tend to do well with surprises. But small things, like getting flowers on a Tuesday, or having someone else offer to cook, are always nice.
Tonight is the first night of wedding weekend. Drove up with family this morning to Rochester. Was great to get time with my cousins.
16th Location
There are a lot of places that I hold dear. As someone who has lived a lot of places, each "home" has an attachment and a feeling. Given that I'm in NY this weekend for a wedding, I'll go with one of my favorite places here. My aunt and uncle's lake house. It's a peaceful place, on the water that's always filled with love.
Woke up today with a Migraine- crapping timing as it's wedding day- but was able to take meds and sleep for a few hours to feel better. Still not 100% but getting closer.
My cousin got married today. She was a beautiful bride. I’m excited to see what this next chapter holds for her.
17th Act of kindness
So many acts of kindness recently. Honestly picking someone up at the airport whether platonic or romantic love is a form of love. So grateful for my cousin Abby for picking me up at the airport, letting me stay at her home and driving me hours over a long weekend.
18th Product
I've actually got a whole list of products I'm grateful for. It's a blog that will come out in December. My take on Oprah's favorite things likes. But a sneak peek from that is this:
Goats Milk Soap This year I struggled a lot with contact dermatitis from pretty much anything and everything. But this soap never causes issues. It is my favorite for my home and to gift to others. It's made in small batches in rural MN. I personally love the pumpkin spice for a hand soap and use the unscented as a body soap. The Eucalyptus Mint is also a really refreshing scent- but can be difficult for those with sensitive skin.
Another full day of travel to make it home. Lyft to the airport at 4:00 am- Through security by 5:00 am. Flight at 7:00 am. Shower by noon and curled up in bed by 1:00pm. Oh and I got flowers on a Tuesday- so yay for small surprises.
19th Teacher
There are 2 teachers from my youth that stand out. Both made me feel the way I hope I make my students feel- valued, important, seen and respected for all their uniqueness.
4th grade- Mrs. Baker
Made even the most stressful parts of school- reading and vocabulary fun. She saved several of my projects and used them as examples years later.
AP US History - Sister Jeanne Marie
Taught me to work smarter not harder. How to take effective notes, and make the most of my studying. She also let me do more projects and show what I know in different ways.
We lost power at 8 pm due to a bomb cyclone. I was in the shower. I went to bed and I slept.
20th Room in my home
Well I have a 3 room house at this point so I'm going with a place in my house. That place is in my reading chair. An Eames replica, leather chair with ottoman and a great warm blanket is a relaxing place to sit and enjoy a glass of wine or a smoothie while listening to the day's record of choice.
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Got a great night sleep in total darkness but with no power and temps dropping was grateful to have an option of a warm bed, good food and wonderful company elsewhere. Also no work so there is that.
When you date in college your friends likely know your partner, because one or more of them likely introduced you. When I dated in grad school, my partners friends became my friends. With my ex, our lives became very isolated. We needed the other person to be more for us than either of us could be for the other. A lesson I will take with me in the future. It takes a village to be sustained, and no one should give that up for another person, but rather look at it as a chance to have each village grow.
21st Part of my day
3rd period math. A lot of teachers I know would probably not say the best part of their day is a specific class. But mine is. I have joy in teaching all of my classes, but 3rd period this year is especially engaged and truly a joy to teach most days.
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2nd day no work. Day 1 of a long and very painful headache. Immensely grateful today to have someone who wanted to take care of me. Who did the little things to try to make sure I could get better.
22nd Household task
Doing myself- none of them- its a side effect of being an adult. But Having others do for me, dusting. That's a task I enjoy the least so appreciate when someone else does it the most.
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Day 3 no work which was a good thing because it was also Day 2 of headache. 3 rounds of meds and a lot of rest later and I started to feel better today. There is still a little pain behind my right eye, but manageable. Grateful for walks in the neighborhood with good company.
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Today I saw Macklemore and a whole slew of other talented performers at Benaroya hall in Seattle. A place I love going because the way sound echos through the space is beautiful and brings me a sense of peace.
Got to go home to a place with power. After 2 nights elsewhere I am grateful to sleep in my own bed.
Unfortunately at some point today my wallet was lost/stolen. so I spent the 23rd doing a lot of cancelling cards and requesting new ones.
23rd Something that happened today
Therapy.
I started therapy with Better Help in August and have had incredible growth, self-reflection and progress. We all have aspects of life that feel defeating, and honestly finding a local therapist was proving unrealistic. Better help matched me with a therapist whose schedule works for me. I see her 3-4 times a month and am really seeing progress towards my goals. Learning I don't have to do this all on my own has been a huge blessing this year.
*Shameless Plug- if you are interested you can use my link above and get 2 weeks free and I get a discount on my next month of therapy.
24th Ordinary object
A Ring.
I got engaged in December of 2016 and almost never removed my ring until Spring of 2024. That's over 7 years of getting very use to having a ring on my left ring finger. I tried to go without and did okay for awhile, but decided to get something for myself and a gift for some of my family that has lifted me through this year. So I got us all matching dainty signet rings. It's amazing how reclaiming that finger as something for me has been a part of me taking back my power post divorce.
Tonight I went to another concert at Benaroya -Rainbow City Performers whose mission is: creating a diverse and inclusive environment for musical expression that promotes the equity and visibility of people in the LGBTQIA+ community. I already have a few students in mind that would benefit from this type of community as they leave high school.
I also was able to get my wallet back- almost full. So that’s good enough for me since I cancelled all the cards already.
25th Trait of my personality
I look for the best people. While sometimes this can bite me in the butt, I am getting better at saying goodbye after a red flag when possible obviously not possible with my students, But certainly in my relationships. I wouldn’t want someone to only see my flaws and not all of the great things that I can offer so I try to look the same way.
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Still no school- 4th day out of work. I honestly miss it. I miss seeing my colleagues. I miss seeing my students. I was on vacation the 14th-18th. I went back to work on the 19th, And have not been back since. This week is Thanksgiving so as of right now the most I could work this week is 2 days.
26th Change in my life
Honestly it feels like my life has been changing non-stop for the last 12 months. I'd be okay if some of the changes stopped. But I think the biggest change is that things that were automatic nos for me when I was younger aren't any more. I don’t see things as black and white as I use to. I've accepted more greyscale and while I take less BS in my life than I did a year ago. I also am more accepting of new opportunities.
27th Promise
I have really felt like I've recommitted to my faith in the last few months. The promise I am grateful for is the grace of God. I am saved by Grace Alone through Faith Alone. Not by make acts, action or inaction, not by what I have done or will do, but by Grace Alone through Faith Alone.
That's not permission to go be an ass or cruel in my daily life. It's a reason to provide Grace to others and be that Christ like attribute for others.
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Today I had an echocardiogram. The most recent in a what has felt like a never ending series of test to get at the "heart" of what's been going off with my health.
28th reason for smiling
Doing the Crossword with a special person. I am a Monday maybe Tuesday crossword person- this week I got the Wednesday crossword on my own, but curling up and doing the harder days with someone is a new and fun thing that makes me smile.
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Thanksgiving. It's my first time in 7 years not hosting this Holiday. This year I get to be a guest.
New friendships, a new relationship, and so many great reasons to smile.
29th Meal
This years thanksgiving meal was pretty fabulous; especially the deserts.
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I got myself a cabin in the woods as an escape from the City. I found the most peace this summer disconnected from the world. I knew that I needed that at the end of the month this year. A staycation for myself, to let my mind drift and relax. Unfortunately, I took.a pretty hard fall first thing in the morning so it wasn't exactly the trip I had envisioned, but still really good.
30th Struggle
The struggle I am grateful for is my Divorce. This time last year my whole world fell apart. This week, the last week in November is when he told me he didn't love me and couldn't remember the last time he had, if he ever had. Those are the most painful words I've heard. Our marriage certainly wasn't perfect, but I didn't realize, had been afraid to realize it was that bad. The last year has been a lot of pain. A lot of crying, a lot of emotions and feelings I wouldn't wish on anyone. But it's been a lot of learning to love myself again. Discovering the version of me I want to be, instead of who I thought I needed to be. I've learned it's not bad to take time for yourself. To grow. Sometimes we need space and time. To admit our mistakes and forgive the unforgivable. There are still hard days, and I'm sure there will be more hard days, but I'm learning to find joy again. To make new memories that are happy. To build a new life for myself that is healthy.
