Today Sucked

Today is world Me day. Not really Today is world Autism day. 

I've gotten a lot of people and even my own school district to post about acceptance over simply awareness to do away with the puzzle piece and welcome the infinity symbol, but today I've realized I don't just want acceptance I want radical acceptance. I want understanding. I want forethought into how things may impact the disabled community before being rolled out to the mass. I want questions about how to do better instead of living in complacency.  I want more than a post once a year and words in a newsletter.

Today I had a full break down in a training as a result of sensory overstimulation. This has never happened to me before. Today I became acutely aware of how I may have trigged students in the past as "NEW FLASH" not all Autistic people experience sensory stimulation in the same way. Today we were being trained on our new $700 Logitech cameras and multi-directional microphones.  Welcome to HELL. 

This camera which isn't focused on anything of merit like say the white board has a microphone that focuses on everything. It picks up typing, sneezes, it would pick up the stimming that I and some of my students experience in class, it picked up all the side conversations- so much for any privacy and to the students who shout out, my ears burned it was so loud.  It was difficult to hear the teacher and to pay attention to anything he was trying to teach with cacophony in the background.  

I have coping mechanisms. I put on my weighted blanket and sat with my Eeyore and tried to get through the training. That didn't work. I ended up breaking down in tears because I was so overwhelmed. I was shaking and crying and unable to control my body.  It took me nearly 2 hours to recover enough to be beneficial in meetings and frankly here 6+ hours later I'm still totally out of spoons and will not be anywhere close to functional this evening.  (processing through writing actually helps me) 

I am 32. I had my favorite coping mechanisms at my full disposal. I was in a space in my home that was comfortable. I could escape if I needed to. What does this mean for our students?

For my students who struggle with processing information how will this overwhelm them?

For my students who need to know who is talking for transcription services- how will this impact them?

For my students like me who struggle with too much auditory input- how will they continue to engage in learning? 

For my students who struggle daily to engage anyway, will this push them away? 

For my students who have private conversations with teachers accidentally broadcast to the whole class as we "Figure out tech" what does this do to their mental health? 

Today was rough. Today I gained new insights into the experiences of some of my students. Today I gained more worry  of what our adventure into "in person learning" holds. 

I encourage all of my colleagues to  think about how the tools they use in class may be overwhelming or overstimulating to students. Is there another way for the student to engage and to demonstrate learning that doesn't involve that tech? 

Thanks for your time

-C