Favorite things-part 2

 Earlier this year I did a Favorite things of Quarantine post.  It reviewed my favorite foods at the time, shows I was binging, what I was listening to, and how I was self-caring.  

Todays focuses on many of those things, but also products that I have brought into my life that I really enjoy using. The people closest in my life should know I really enjoy gifting people things that I love. So I pull from my favorites lists every year for holiday shopping to continue to support brands I actively use. 

Food and Beverage

Tavour A way to gain access to beers you normally wouldn't have access to within your part of the country.  Try beers, ciders and seltzers not otherwise distributed to you area. If you use the link you get $10 off and I get $10 towards my next purchase. $15 will ship any order directly to you, however if you live in the greater Seattle area you can easily pick it up at their warehouse in Tukwilla for free. 

Tillamook Ice Cream Specifically the Sea Salt & Honeycomb custard.  It is life changing ice cream, that I can sadly only find at target, but even just a spoonful is the perfect way to end a meal. (I love all things Honeycomb candy)

Raspberry Liqueur from a local WA distillery.  2020 has become the year of the cocktail and this is an addition to many of the drinks I've made this year. 

Shows of Note:

Well I re-watched all 15 seasons of ER. [Far faster than I should have...oops] The last time I watch them was Freshman year in college, but I enjoyed re-watching it. They touched on a lot of topics that are still (unfortunately) controversial on television now, and ER went OFF the air in 2009. Also pretty much every actor I have enjoyed in the last decade had a guest spot or reoccurring role on ER at some point in time. 

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND "Queens Gamble" on Netflix- it's a mini-series that is worth your time. 

Just started "Emily in Paris" again on Netflix but I am trying to demonstrate some self-control and not watch it all at once. 

And as always "Great British Baking show" on Netflix is always a great way to unwind at the end of the day. 

What I'm listening to:

Well I finally went back to the dark side with iPhone and I am enjoying having all of my music at my fingertips again. 

Currently listening to the New T-Swift album and the Royal Philharmonic does Disney Classics. 

Products/ Companies of Note:

Portland Leather goods I have been eyeing a large tote for several years and finally bought it for myself this fall.  I love it.  It's large, can hold my laptop and all other products for the day and I know it's an investment.  They also have an "Almost perfect" section were you can get AMAZING discounts on goods that if you aren't a leather craftsman you wouldn't know aren't perfect. I promise I've done it a few times for gifts and such and they are wonderful. 

Flex Lite Chair- REI In the year of social distancing, bringing your own chair to an event, park or even someone's yard allows for gatherings in safe outdoor settings.  I love my chair from REI. This year I have taken out in our driveway to enjoy being outside, we've gone to parks, on hikes, to the beach, you name it this chair can do it.  They also have other sizes and J has the bigger one, because at 6'4" he needs it. 

Water Bottle This water bottle by camel back is great because you can lock it so it doesn't spill but you have to actively work to drink from it saving bags and clothing from getting soaked on a hike.  The only downside is the hissing sound when air gets stuck inside the valve and when changing elevation quickly in a car. 

Booties I love a good wedge bootie and these by Dr. Scholl's save my feet, legs and back.  They are like walking on a cloud. (Though I do suggest you wear a sock with them). I own 2 pairs and love them both. They can be dressed up or down and give me that extra bit of confidence when I wear them. 

Alright that's it for me tonight.  

I will probably do 1 more favorite things before the end of the year. 

-C

Something to look forward to

 It has been a rough year. I have a sneaking feeling it's going continue to be rough well into 2021.  With all things in life it's important to have something to look forward to. Something to hope for to keep you moving towards the dream of a better tomorrow. My something is a road trip.  I have always wanted to travel the US by car. It's something I always thought I'd do in college, and while I have covered a great deal of the US I've never driven round the whole thing; so that is this summer's mission. 

Here is my TENTATIVE plan.

Start at home in Wa- Take 3 days to drive to family in the Twin Cities of Minnesota. 

Spend 5 days (including the 4th of July at home with family)

Take 2 more days to drive to Rochester, NY 

Spend 4 days in Rochester (while seeing friends in Syracuse as well)

Drive to Philadelphia

Spend 2 full days in Philadelphia 

Drive to DC

Spend 3 full days in DC

Spend 1 day in Colonial Williamsburg (what can I say I have a soft spot for the place)

Drive to Louisville- Spend 1 night with famly 

Drive to Nashville- Spend 1 night with family 

Drive to Memphis- Spend 1 night with family 

Drive the Blues trail to New Orleans

Spend 2 nights in New Orleans

2 days to drive across Texas

1 night in Roswell- Because Aliens 

Drive to Flagstaff

4 nights enjoying Grand Canyon, Sedona, Slide Rock other beautiful areas with family 

Drive to Las Vegas

1 day in Vegas 

Drive to LA

2-3 days  in LA- 1 Day for Pasadena 1-2 days for Disney 

Drive up highway 1 to San Fransisco

3-4 nights to drive home 

Total trip somewhere around 40 days. This is what I am looking forward to. 

I look forward to seeing some old friends, seeing family, seeing some of my favorite places, exploring new ones. 

If you have ever lived in, currently live in, or have recommendations for what to do during these drives I would love to hear from you. 

Why I vote

 I vote because I was always taught if I don't stand up for what I believe in, I cannot complain about it.  This is an aspect of my personal and professional life. 

I vote because my right to my body as a woman is always up for debate in America. Frankly, I'm over it! If insurance companies are willing to provide Viagra for men, they should not complain or make excuses about providing birth control for those who need it. 

I vote because most of America considers menstrual products "luxury items" and taxes them accordingly, but only 1 state in the country (IL) taxes Viagra. As a woman I promise you there is NOTHING luxurious about a period. These are essential health care items and should be treated as such.

I vote because I know that my existence on Earth is temporary and we must value Earth, protect Earth and preserve her for future generations.  We are not energy independent until we no longer rely on fossil fuel, coal and natural gas. These resources are finite, we must invest in the infrastructure and development of solar, wind and hydro-electric power. 

I vote because we need tax reform to fund the type of society and environment I want to live in. If we want strong public education, we need to pay taxes. If we want to fix our aging highway system and local roads, we need to pay taxes.  If we want access to a better healthcare system, we need to pay taxes. If we want clean air, clean water, maintained forests, we need to pay taxes.   If we want social security to help support us when need it, we need to pay taxes.  If we want a military to protect us, we need to pay taxes. Money doesn't grow on trees and nothing in life is free, if we want better systems, plans and programs, we need taxes to pay for them.  We need tax reform because billionaires and major fortune 500 corporations pay less in taxes than teachers and that's deplorable.

I vote because as a person with a disability who teaches young people with disabilities I value their place in society. I value myself and my students as citizens who should have full rights in our country.  Because a disabled person should be allowed to marry without losing their access to benefits. Because a disabled person should be allowed to save for their futures, make more than minimum wage, and still be able to access local, state and federal services for skills, support and independence.   

I vote because I am a teacher; because I value public education and America's continued investment in it.  I attended a private high school. That was my family's person choice and what was best for me at the time, but I do not believe that private school should garner monies from public schools based on a family choice. I believe we need to do a better job of equitably enhancing our public education system so that families want to stay in their home schools. 

I vote because I am union strong. I understand the history of the labor movement, the sacrifices that have been made to allow me the privileged of an 8 hour work day, of sick days and personal time. I understand the power in unions and have witnessed first hand what transformational work they can do. 

I vote because it is not only a right but a responsibility to share my desires for the future of this country. 

I vote because I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror if I didn't. 

Make your voice heard, make sure you have a voting plan. If you don't go to vote.org to make a voting plan.  

Signing off for now

-C

The mask I wear

The mask I wear show the world that I am okay, that I am fine, that I have it together, that I am  surviving, that I am BRAVE.  

But it's just a mask. 

Fake, faux, a phony, a lie. 

The reality is I'm not fine.  I am not OKAY. I am barely surviving each day. I do not have it together. Most days I cry at least once, usually I have no idea why I just have no emotional capital left not to. 

Sometimes the pressure feels like a balloon about to pop, where I'm the balloon. Compliments of "we just couldn't trust anyone else with this, or you're the best at this" only fill the balloon more to live up to standards of myself that other people cast over me. Standards that with more and more pressure I don't know how I can meet.

In a normal world, on a normal day, those standards for me aren't much different than the ones I have of myself. But the world isn't normal.  The added anxieties in my life, the fear, the chaos of the world, means that my only goal is to make it to tomorrow.

The mask I wear hides behind toxic positivity; a facade aimed at distracting people from how much I feel like I'm failing. 

Most people accept "I'm fine" as an answer because they were only asking to be polite. If I'm honest I don't know if I could handle if everyone dug in, if everyone pushed for more or asked a more specific question. When I say I'm fine I'm not, but if I let those emotions see the light of day, if I let them have voice if I give them power I will crumble. 

This weekend is proof of that.  It's been almost 24 hours since all out panic of what would become a false alarm. And my body still hasn't settled down, I'm still crying for no reason, hyperventilating without cause, and just trying to function as an adult. Letting myself feel all of my emotions all the time isn't sustainable.

So I put back on the mask. A way of putting my emotions in boxes because I don't have the capital to deal with them right now. I pray that the world will start to right itself, that we will move towards a place closer to where we were a year ago, so that all of the extra stresses can go away and I can just do with my emotions but until then it's too hard so I put back on the mask.

-C

Panic attack

12:35 am panic set in.  True earth shaking panic. Full kick of adrenaline, fight, flight or freeze panic.  I awoke to our building fire alarm going off(though it took me awhile to actually realize that's what it was). An ear drum shattering high pitched siren. At first I froze, still half asleep frozen unable to make a move. After what felt like an eternity, but was in reality a minute or two flight took over my body.  I was shaking trying to grab something to put on, grabbing important items, wedding ring, eeyore, phone to call 911, but where was Jon? Was he still awake, was he already outside? No! Instead I find him fast asleep in the guest room. I shake him screaming asking what that noise is, as he doesn't answer right away I think it's now in my head and my screams grow louder.  He then responds "fire alarm" it clicks we need to get out of here. Jon wake up we have to evacuate, jon WAKE UP.   

My adrenaline controlling my body seeing that my husband is at least out of bed, I bolt.  Running down the stairs while calling for help, leaving Jon in the apartment behind me. 

In my head I sound calm and collected, but I can tell the 911 operator doesn't see it that way.  I am struggling to breathe and my legs are shaking beneath me.  

It's 12:40am and I am sobbing in the rain. 

Jon comes slinking down stairs calm as a cucumber. We go sit in the car to wait for an answer. He in a millisecond can drift asleep in the driver's seat, while I'm doing my best not to hyperventilate next to him. 

1:05 am the alarm stops. We wait for permission to return to our home.  My brain and body are fighting about my decision to get up and make my way back.  How do we KNOW it's safe? 

1:10am I re-enter my home.  I am shaking and crying.  Being told we are "safe" does nothing to quell my anxieties.  That monster is out and will not go away peacefully. 

I envelope myself under weighted blankets to calm the monster.  It pushes back. Heart still racing. 

1:40 am deep breaths and writing down of feelings seems to have helped.  Still on edge.  Still struggling, but hopefully able to sleep. 

-c