Week 14 - The end of the Year

I would say all good things come to an end, but this school year has by far been the most difficult year of my career and I'm not sad it's over.

Justice In June

Is work I plan to continue this week and next. Documenting my thoughts and wonderings and discoveries here.

Last weekend: Roots of Racial Injustice

For this on I just took notes on my thoughts, quotes that stood out and my responses. Megan Francis- a UW professor.

Stop and Frisk laws and the police unions that support them have no place in civil society.  The thought that someone can be sitting outside their own home and handcuffed without due cause amazes me. It has never been a fear of mine to sit on the front stoop of my home. That's privilege. 

"Fixes that do not address the root cause of the issue are not really fixes at all"

-I feel like right now everything feels so reactionary to me. It feels like a band-aid. Most news outlets are talking about solutions for a problem that they don't understand. There is momentum now, there is opportunity to do this right, but there is also opportunity to slap on a band-aid and find ourselves back hear again in 50 years.

"Not a few racist bad apples....the whole apple tree is infected" The whole tree not being just the system of police but all of us. Society as a whole.

Monday:Intersectionality Wars

When people tell me they don't like the word intersectionality my initial thought is similar to what is described in the opening of this article.  "You realize that the lived experiences of some are vastly different to your own- harder than your own, but you don't want to do anything about it, because it would interrupt your planned programing, your norms, your structures".

Through the article it seems that no on is disputing that intersectionality is a "thing" but rather some seem so overly concerned with the burden it will place on them or society to shift the impacts of the intersections.

I would say (imo) that the burden is on all of us. As a women with an invisible disability, I experience the world differently than a women with a visible disability or a women without a disability.

I educate children who come from all backgrounds who all experience the world differently, some with more privileges than others. All with some level or privilege as they attend a top school with opportunities and levels of support not afforded to many students in this country.  As a special education teacher especially intersectionality is part of my daily work. I recently read an article on how Black and Lantinx individuals are under diagnosed as Autistic and are 5.1 times more likely to receive a conduct disorder diagnosis.  This means they miss out on the supports that their peers are getting and are more likely to be seen as a threat or aggressive because of that diagnosis. Intersectionality of Race and Disability article.

T-TH Struggled failed, struggled more.

Friday: Advocate for De-escalation training in police force. - Additional Advocate for full staff de-escalation training so that all staff are able and trained to support students so we don't need cops in schools. -Also Educating myself on Juneteenth.

Week notes in general

Monday-  The goodbyes have started. Union meetings are coming to an end all while summer work and master schedule stuff ramps up.  I basically work 12 months a year but get paid for 10. I try to take a week or two off in the summer but that's about all I get.

Tuesday- Said goodbye to one of my Alg 2 classes and my academic skills class.  In academic skills I highlighted the ways I saw each student grown and learn during closure. It was wonderful to get to be so connected they turned on their cameras. We all said goodbye.

Followed by....

All things graduation. I knew come rain or shine I would be part of student graduations. Today I felt like a whole human. I complete person. It was amazing to see their faces, say goodbye and a few current students were there with their siblings so it was great to see them too.

Wednesday: I don't normally teach any classes on Wed but I was really looking forward to some of my last 1:1 meetings with students. Unfortunately my health had other plans. For about the last 3 months - basically right before we went into quarantine, my digestive issues spiked. I have trouble eating, I rarely handle 3 meals a day, and am very weak as a result, struggling to stand or walk for long periods of time. Graduation yesterday completely drained me.  I've been avoiding clinics due to the virus, but today had enough of not having control over my body and scheduled an appointment.

That all to say I didn't get any of those last meetings with students and am very grateful for the quality of goodbye we got on Tuesday.

Thursday: Every class always has those students that impact your life more. But it's been years since I've had an entire class be so perfect. Not in the sense that they all got As or had perfect behavior all of the time, but in the sense that they always tried. They were always engaged in learning. Every single student in this class took every exam during closure.  They all worked to improve their grades from earlier and focused on how to make the most out of a bad situation.  They were always there to support their peers the amount of natural and unprompted group work that occurred in this class when we were in the building was amazing.  Students felt safe enough to ask their peers for help and likewise peers were kind in providing support without issue.  They were a loud and charismatic bunch, that made 7th period end on an uplifting rather than totally drained note, as it totally could have being an Algebra 2 class at the end of the day.

Today I said goodbye to a co-teaching partnership that I have loved. That has made me a better educator.  I have learned so much in the last 2 years.  Next year will be different, but I will take what I learned from this situation and apply it to the future.

Friday: Meetings, grades, progress reports. Done!

week 13- Justice in June- A work in progress

To my friends family and strangers in other parts of the country- yes I still have classes and am still in school. Yes we have a long school year. But as much as normally that bothers me, and I know how much work I have left to do in these 2 weeks, I am grateful to have something I get up every day with a purpose for.  I cannot imagine being in quarantine with no work, no focus for my efforts for the day. So as draining as I am sure these last few weeks will be given my growing to-do list. I am thankful for them because they support my need to have meaning. 

 

I recently discovered from a friend: Justice In June

as a way for people who want to to grow a little more each day in terms of being informed on issues related to and interesting with Race.  You can pick the 10, 25 or 45 minute a day play. I have chosen 10 minute a day for myself. Remember on a road together but we may be in different lanes, how you choose to engage, interact, donate, support or learn about these issues is a personal choice, and not everyone has to do it the same, so long as we keep moving forward.

I am choosing 10 minutes for 2 reasons:

1) When I take up too much all at once, I usually get overwhelmed and balls get dropped. I don't want this to be a ball I drop

2) 10-20 minutes is a great length of time for activities in my classes, and I want to find/curate things we can do in my classes in the fall.

I am week off so I did a little over the weekend to get back on track so there are going to be 2 weeks worth of thoughts below.  (If you know me and you want to have a civil conversation about our beliefs I am happy to do that- hate speech in my comments will not be tolerated) 

Week 1:

Monday:Who Gets to be Afraid?

I have as a woman been afraid to be out at night alone. But I have never been in fear of being in my neighborhoods alone. I have never been in fear of walking on a city street during the day alone. I have never been afraid someone who confuse me for a criminal. The kind of lived trauma that this article address is a reality in need to keep at the forefront of my thoughts when working with BIPOC, how many experience of trauma has this person had, today? How may my actions create a safe space, and what am I doing that could make an experience negative?

Tuesday & Wednesday:Coronavirus and the Racial Contract 

The level of damage Trump has done not just in the last 3.5 years, but especially in the last 3 months will take years to recover from.  He has yet again made gains for those in the elite on the backs of those in the most vulnerable positions.  No one should be in a place where they have to put their health at risk to put food on the table. No one should be in a place where they have to work while sick, because there is no sick leave. No one should have to choose between saving a loved-one or losing everything because of the cost of life saving medical care.   

Thursday: Your Body is being used

There should only be 2 options on this and neither is happening.

1) People in prison cannot vote and therefore are not counted as residence in a district for voting numbers.

2) People in prison can vote and can be counted in a districts numbers.

Instead in nearly every state, people in prison don't have the right to vote but are counted. No one should be in situation where they have no ability to communicate with the people who represent them.  They are being used to increase the value a district holds in terms of constituents but aren't allowed a say in the process.  It's like having your cake and eating it too.

Friday:  I am working through my thoughts as they relate to use of police, funding of the police, role of the police. I am processing my journey and thoughts openly. I am not perfect, and I'll be honest I'm still trying to understand what de-funding or abolishing the police looks like when we don't have the structures built yet to take over.  My brain is getting clogged in the logistics.

I do believe that we have given every social issue in society over to the police and criminalized issues that shouldn't be. I believe that we can give back power and support both financial, policy based, and structural to social workers, treatment counselors, teachers and mental health practitioners. 

I believe we would live in a better world if police were demilitarized.

I don't believe Police belong in schools.

I do believe that there should be oversight, accountability and systems in place to hold officers accountable.

I am struggling with how we take away something without any systems or without enough resources in those systems to fill the void.

I am worried about actual criminal situations where I personally feel an officer is warranted. Who will be tasked to handle these matter? What does this look like, sound like, what does accountability look like for that role?

I am not at a place where I feel comfortable sending off a letter that I haven't come to terms with yet in my own mind.  I am sure I will be judged by some for this. I make the choice to make my thought process public and to be honest about it.  I am happy to engage in civil conversation and to continue to work though these thoughts with people, regardless of where you stand on these thoughts. Civil discourse is important. 

Weekend: TEDxTalk

I have listened twice. It resonates with me in ways I don't have words for. I like the idea of this invisible line of social justice.  

WEEK2:

Monday-Wed: 1619 Project- New York Times 

Reading is something that takes a lot of spoons for me- thank the processing issues and dyslexia. So I'll be sticking to an article a day.

Monday:  The Idea of America

The older I get the more thankful I am of the way I was raised.  My father, an avid historian ensured that my learning of history was not limited to what I learned at school. He ensured that I learned the sides of the coin and various points of view in the major military engagements of American's history.  I grew up going to battle fields as vacations and took time to recognize units often passed over.  He took time to teach me and explain different perspectives of American history. I am grateful for this, as I cannot imagine what it must be like for people that are discovering THIS American history, the real American history, for the first time as adults. 

"No one cherishes freedom more than those who have not had it" For 400 years the people that have fought most for freedom are those whom our Nation hides Freedom from the most.  We can and we must do better. 

Tuesday: American Popular Music

" What you're hearing in black music is a miracle of sound, an experience that can really happen only once" 
I love going to Piano bars and jazz joints, because no two nights are ever the same. I am jealous of the ability to make music without being tied to perfection. Not sure if that's my whiteness poking through, my autistic perfectionist or years or really strict piano teachers, but there was no time for improve in my lessons, no time to make things up or for mistakes. I envy musicians who can not think and just do, just feel.

I know I'm not the only one. Our nations popular music industry is based on trying to have that confidence, that feeling, that soul.  We need to give credit where credit is due. From gospel music on plantations, to blues, A Capella and jazz to more modern rap and hip hop.  I could argue that there would be no good music in this country without the influence of black culture on music.

Hope: A Photo Essay

I knew my privilege as soon as I started to do genealogical work.  I can trace my family back to the 1800s when they came from Ireland and Norway in a matter of hours.  My In-laws have been in America since the early 1600's I can tell you their names, where the lived and what they did. That's privilege. 

Wednesday Mass Incarceration

Things that shouldn't exist in a civil society in my opinion.

1) 3 Strikes laws-  Laws that lock people up for life for NON-VIOLENT offenses. 

2) The criminalization of daily activities- loitering for example.

3) Trying children as adults in non-violent offenses.

4) Giving Children life without parole for any offense.

5) Mandatory minimum sentences.

But all these things exist in America.  All of these things were designed to marginalize, demoralize and strike down the black community in this country.

We have failed in our structuring of crime and imprisonment in America. It seems like we are at the point that we have criminalized life itself. We need to stop the profiting off of people's suffering in the private prison industrial complex of America. We have to provide supports and compassion for reform efforts rather than locking people up and throwing away the key. 

I found this to be a very useful resource in diving deeper to understand the mass incarceration problem as a whole in this country. Prison Policy Initiative

Thursday: Code Switch- NPR

Civility:

Black people did not make the laws in this country. The laws were designed to contain communities of color. POC don't get to orchestrate the terms of civility. But they are limited by them.

So civility is by it's own accord is racist.

I was just left with questions and wonderings.

How do we re-define what civility means?

How do we bring more POC into the select community of individuals in this country that make laws to ensure that we are representing the needs of Americans within our law? AKA elect people of color.

Friday: Register to Vote

I am a registered voter, and where I live has mail in ballots for all. This should be the norm, not the exception. Not just because of co-vid, but for all elections to increase voter turn out and to live in a democratic society, we need to have the right to vote be accessible to ALL citizens.

 

My Week as an educator: This is the last week for Seniors. All of our normal good bye activities were taken from us.  I miss them already.

Monday: My Monday started in a way I could not have predicted.  A student asked to meet with me before class. He said he was troubled by a teacher's personal essay.  He said "I think White Privilege is a lie".  For the record this student is a non-black student of color. I asked him more questions about why he felt that way, I shared my experiences with privilege when he asked me.  We had a good conversation. He asked me for resources where he could learn more. He wanted to hear the opinions of others. It was a brilliant and engaging way for me to start my week.

Tuesday: I enjoy the classes I teach this year. I enjoy the people that I work with and the students I support.  I enjoy the families I interact with.  I am lucky. 

Wednesday: The is 1 rule in teaching- Things area always changing and nothing is a guarantee.  I struggle with this every year- you'd think I'd learn. I don't I let things frazzle me. Right now is my frazzle season.

Thursday: How many times can a schedule of events be changed in a week? Don't know we isn't out yet, so far 7 reschedules. OMG I give up on changing my calendar, maybe I'll just cancel everything next week in the afternoons. I GIVE UP trying to "make it work"

Friday: Super lite and simple day.  Today is the day of action across the state, but I had 2 student meetings that I needed to have. Not having them and supporting those students could have resulted in students not passing classes this year.  I owe those students my time and effort. They've worked really hard this spring, and I didn't get to step away now because of information given to me on Thursday.  These kids deserved my full attention. 

I also finished my Senior Packets today- basically the special ed paperwork sent out to my graduating seniors. And I finished nearly all of my progress reports. So I go into next week strong.

Signing out for now

-C

Things my parents taught me

Throughout quarantine, I've been thinking a lot about my family and the lessons I learned from them. The things that I'm thankful were a part of my childhood and my upbringing, especially as the world feels like it's falling apart. This list will hopefully continue to grow as I continue to learn from both of my parents.

• If someone tells you no ask for their supervisor.
• When you're confronted head on with your biases, question yourself, and work to overcome them.
• Diplomatic conversation
• The Tigers are the only team in baseball that matters
• Always have a rainy day fund.
• Never stop learning
• Always look up
• Plan for your future but enjoy your now.

Signing off for now

-C

Week 12-Finding the GOOD in each day.

This week started with an email. I have removed the identifying information but it reminded me why I became a teacher. I became a teacher to show students that just because you learn differently doesn't mean you cannot learn.  Just because you see the world differently doesn't make your point of view less important. It's been a long 12 weeks in quarantine. I miss my students every day. 

It's me. I wanted to email you because of what an impact you had on my life. I am set to graduate at the end of the winter quarter of 2021 with my high school diploma and my Associates in Integrated Studies at [a local] Community College. I started full time Running Start in order to fast track my goal of becoming a special education teacher. It's because of you and people like you, [para pro we worked with] that I felt confident enough to survive high school and even start college. What you do with students really does help them. Because of the confidence I was able to gain from supportive people like you, I was able to skip an entire grade of math through a placement test, and I am now taking college statistics. Anyway, thank you so much for your support. I hope you are doing great and surviving the quarantine.

The class I had with this student is one of my favorites.  Almost all of class was just as much into musical theater as I am- this student included, and we used to sing show tunes in class. Over several weeks we did all of Hamilton- our groups personal favorite at the time- each taking on a different character during classes and singing our respective parts. Those students allowed me to be my quirky self, as much as I allowed them to have a safe space. This email was a very good and very needed reminder, that just because my classes sometimes look or sound different than my colleagues doesn't mean they aren't important spaces for our students.

My entire social media and all news outlets are flooded with grief, sadness, anger, pain, hatred and suffering. Those feelings are valid, and real, but the cacophony that they are created on my news feed is causing me to drown. So this week I'm focusing more than ever on the positives, on the good things I witness happening in my own community and around the country.  Letting myself sit in the negativity only breeds it within me, and limits my ability to do anything.

Sunday: Police standing in solidarity WITH protester

The only way systems change is if the people within them are calling for it.  The only way unions stop the never-ending cycle of keeping bad cops is if their membership stops allowing it. The only way police will change is if their brothers and sisters in blue start demanding change too. This has to be the new normal, police engaging in protests and marches when they see their uniform being abused. We need to see them standing up to the broken system. We need to see them working to change it. 

Monday: Small joys of life- running into a co-worker at the grocery store and sharing a brief moment about our love of Beer and need for our TAVOUR boxes to show up. 

There is a statement that I saw on Facebook from another educator that really resonated with me, forced me to really look at myself and check my responses.  I live by the rule in my classroom that ALL Behavior is Communication.  So thank you to Tessa Horn for putting this into language I use daily:

Here’s my take on the riots in Minneapolis. As a teacher, when a student wrecks a classroom, throws things, breaks things, slams things, and completely melts down. That’s called trauma. We’re supposed to respond by standing with that child, love that child, and working to heal. What is happening in Minneapolis and has happened in other places, to me, is an act of trauma. A kind trauma that no white person in America can fathom. A kind of trauma that’s source is deep, evil, and generational. It stems from slavery, oppression, torture, and a long standing hate. George Floyd’s murder is a clear martyr of this reality. The reaction is trauma. Why wouldn’t we respond by standing with black people, loving black people, and working hand and hand with our black communities in order to heal.
Black Lives Matter.
Black Trauma Matters.

Tuesday: I watched as my friends, family and loved ones elevated Black voices. I watched as companies took a back seat today, and put people over profits.  I listened to black voices.

People I am learning from right now:

Tiffany Jewell  I am hopeful that in the future I can attend a training for her curriculum. She's a Montessori teacher, and as someone who has worked in Montessori settings I value that mindset in learning.

Brittany Packnett Cunningham

Co-founder of Campaign Zero an organization building research backed policy changes targeting the way police serve their communities.

Charnaie - Here Wee Read

As an educator seeking to do better when I return to school- she has amazing resources and a curated collection of books that are diverse and inclusive  

Wednesday: Self Care is Resistance. 

Thursday

How do we talk to people? How do we check in with people. Keeley Shaw art

created a beautiful image that I will share here that is helping me to have deeper conversations with people this week.

I would also be totally lying if I didn't share that my happiness for today came from my TAVOUR box showing up. If you haven't heard of Tavour, it's a company that works with over 650 different Breweries from 47 states to curate quick sales of small qualities of beer that normally isn't distributed in your part of the country.  I have found many small crafting communities that I love and have/ will continue to visit through Tavour.  If you live locally you can fill up your crate and pick it up in Tukwila, WA or you can have it shipped to you (no limit on bottles) for about $16.  If you are interested and use my Tavour link You'll get $10 to spend an so will I. 

 

Friday: Today I had honest conversations with people I care about. We didn't agree on everything but we were able to share our opinions openly and honestly. Today I stood on a sidewalk with a sign. It's not a lot, I know there is so much work to do, but I am working on doing my work, even if it's a outside my comfort zone. Today I stood in solidarity with my colleagues and said our students deserve better.

 

Yes I have the privilege of being able to turn off the tv, turn off my social media and tune out of the reality that is racism. It is so overwhelming, this week has made me understand more than ever why mental health impacts our BIPOC communities at an alarming rate.  I can tune it out and I can turn it off, I don't have to talk about it. The global majority cannot, this is their lived reality.  I will never understand what it's like to have to live this with ever fiber of your being every day. But I will do my best to stand with you.

Signing off for now- C

May Accountability - June Goals

Honestly most of this years goals have been tossed out the window.

Would I love to at some point see someone for my chronic health concerns? Yep! Do I feel like walking into any clinic or hospital right now for any reason? Hell No! So I will wait til it's safe for me to do that, because I can live with how I am-even if I sometimes complain about it.

I online shopped in May, probably too much I've got several returns to send out- now due to shipping being an absolute nightmare right now I wont see any of it til June or July, but I did buy clothing- mostly comfy stuff as the sweatpants I have been wearing are from 2007 and 2010 respectively and have seen WAY better days. Knowing that there is a strong possibility I will be teaching from home in the fall-comfy works. 

Make-up: In May of the previous 4 years I spent an average of $100 on beauty and makeup products.  However, in May of 2020 I spent $0.00 on beauty products.  I am really excited to be using up products.  If you are interested in my #Teamprojectpan2020 progress I encourage you to check out my May Blog Post on that.

100 Clock hour goal-

There are weeks it feels totally manageable and there are weeks I feel like I'm crazy

Prior to May, I had 22 hours of WEA provided trainings, Turned in my PGP for 25 hours and finished a 30 clock hour elearning course through Evergreen. I also did a few online learning events through WEA.  As of the end of this month I am sitting at 76 clock hours with another 26 in progress. That goal is closure than ever.

For June my goals are simple:

Make it through the end of the school year.  We have 3 weeks with students online in June. In those 3 weeks I have progress reports and senior packets and letters to write to my seniors because I will not give up that tradition. I have grading and planning and grieving more losses of this school year.

I would love to say I wont buy clothes or make up and that I'll finally make a doctor's appointment, that I'll keep doing clock hours.  But if I'm honest, I know that in June I will be in survival mode and so long as I can do my job well and finish on an OK note then I'll be completely content.

Signing off for now

-C